Reply to Husband sent private emails to a friend about our relationship

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]a female friend?[/quote]

No a male friend. But our issue is actually that he has had homosexual tendencies, so the male friend doesn't provide the same comfort that it would in another situation.
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Um...you cannot fix this.  As a queer person, it is done.  If he has "homosexual tendencies", this likely means he is gay or further on the spectrum toward the same-sex leaning side than he is at this moment willing to admit (maybe to himself as well). If he is bi and is comfortable with never relizing the homosexual potential in this relationship, for live, then that is one thing.  But, if he is struggling with whether or not to live a life "truer" to who he really is, take this disclosure to the close male friend as what it is - a level of intimacy with a male friend that makes you nervous.  Listen to that gut.[/quote]

He says he may be bi and wants to never realize any homosexual potential. It's all new territory for me. Sending my personal email regarding a sexual experience to another is too confiding in a person outside our relationship.[/quote]

PP to whom you are answering.  I promise you, if he "may be" bi, he is (at minimum).  Whether or not he has the ability to come to terms with it rapidly enough to not make this an intolerably long process for you, is really for him to determine.  But, if I were you, in this relationships, and absent an inability to support my household and at least 50% of our children's needs, I would figure two things out.  First, am I comfortable living with the knowledge that my life partner wants to sleep with people of a different gender than I and either trust him (and this is dicey since he cheated already) to not do so because it would violate rules around monogamy that we have in place even if this causes him distress/loss/sadness for life or I can live with opening up the marriage if/when it comes to that ask. Second, do I as a cis, het woman really want this level of complication in the next 2, 5, 10 years.  It will keep coming up whether it is anger, resentment or depression from unrealized desire/identity, questions as to opening up the relationship, potential of an open relationship actually leading to divorce and heartbreak, etc.  I truly feel for you.  This absolutely sucks.  If I were in your place, I would come to terms with this being over and make a plan to break off cleanly, support my kids in loving both of us, including their potentially gay/bi father, and find happiness elsewhere.[/quote]

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