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Reply to "Has anyone stayed with a spouse after they had an affair?"

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[quote=Anonymous]as you can see, OP, there is no 'right' way. Some people stay and it works out, some people stay and it doesn't. I think the key thing is that you are nowhere near where you need to be or should be to make that decision and that is OK. In fact, the best thing is for both you and your husband to realize that the marriage you had is gone. Its up to each of you now to figure out how to move forward. You mentioned he agreed to marriage counseling but as others have suggested, right now individual counseling is more effective. You need a space to process all of this on your own. He needs to come to terms with his actions and feelings. In a couple months, you will have a better sense of how to move forward, in either direction, and then you can start counseling.

My advice would be to temporarily separate, or at least separate in the home, but that's not always practical. Just be aware that some cheaters are desperate to patch things up and will cling to the marriage, but not actually do the work. If he is truly committed to working through it, he will have to commit to your uncertainty. That's a risk that he created. And if he can't give you that space and time, then he's not committed to the marriage enough to stay with him through this.

I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope you can get some support--a close friend or sibling or something, along with a therapist. [/quote]

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