Reply to Is this gaslighting? And why does he do it?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the point is being missed. I could not care less about whether it's a sauce or a dip, or that he wanted to share--I always share. It was his bizarre insistence that it always comes when you order Cava and that he wouldn't stop talking about it until I said what he wanted, which is: Okay, you're right. It always comes with this dip. Of course, I didn't do that, so for almost 10 minutes, he wouldn't stop  insisting that Cava gives the sauce for free and that I was wrong in thinking that I orderd it, for myself. That's why I wondered if it's gaslighting...this insistence that I was wrong, and that I didn't order it for myself. He often is refuting reality, even in little, meaningless instances like this. [/quote]

I hear you. My husband is so very similar down to the mispronounced words.

I am baffled by his behavior. A counselor once told me some of his other habits sound like ADHD (such as starting several new home improvement projects before finishing one, and NEVER having the insight to see that it won't work that way... and the inability to understand me when I try to explain it). I am not sure how, but this psychotic insistence on arguing stupid points might be related to adhd? [/quote]

Absolutely. Same for aspergers men. Anything to feel better after trying to hide all the self-induced setbacks, mishaps and mistakes.  He will literally destroy the relationship and marriage in order to protect his image and ego. So much denial. [/quote]

The weirdest thing to me is how easy it is for him to hide it from the rest of the world. Our closest friends have no idea just how strange he is at home (except for my best friend, who is quite objective in advising me--she thinks it might help if I remind myself of how he was raised and how hard it must be for him to see his kids loved by their mother when his was/is so cold and mean, and also knowing both his wife and kids have lost respect for him). He is truly a different person when he's out with our friends and neighbors. People love him. [/quote]

Very common “masking” for ASD and ADHD. All that masking at work or at social things, however, makes them out of gas an irritable once him when they can let the act down.

Have another family vacation with you for a week or longer. He can’t keep up the act for longer than a few days.  My aspie spouse started disappearing to “do office work” by Day 2 and doesn’t even respond to questions by Day 4, even if you’re sitting in a car with him pointing out sites! And then there’s all the “miscommunications” with misinterpreting what people wanted to eat, or what time— and forget about putting together a day plan that makes any sense! He’d rather bow out of being in charge of that.

One time a relative asked where he was all Christmas week in a beach trip, he nearly bit her head off. The answer was he working. Because he can’t organize or manage his time or work we’ll, he basically shuts down when an email comes in from anyone and attends to it- even in the middle of a group dinner, conversation, kid thing.  It’s truly bizarre. And no he’s not Mr Important. [/quote]

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