Reply to Sister and her constant health “issues”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Two things can be true: your sister had unremitting mysterious pain AND your sister has dramatic / high maintenance tendencies.  Did you sister have these tendencies earlier/in other aspects of life or only with regard to this problem?

I agree with PP that you should [b]try to be supportive w/o feeding the drama[/b], starting with "I am so happy for you that you found an explanation. How can I help you get through the surgery?"
[/quote]

I agree with this.  Just because the pain is real doesn't mean that everything else stops for everyone else.  I say this as someone who lives in constant pain because of a car accident when I was a child.  I have no right to disrupt others' lives with my complaints just because I hurt.  Unfortunately it doesn't sound like OP's sister got that message.  I see both sides of this and I don't think that OP is out of line in her wanting the sister to get a better handle on her emotions and to reel back the drama.[/quote]

You don’t understand because people believed you since you had a car accident. [/quote]

Not really.  People who know me today know nothing about the accident because I haven't told them.  I also don't tell them about the pain.  My point is that some people wear their emotions on their skin and they feel that everyone has to know what they're feeling come hell or high water.  And that isn't so.  OP's sister has done as much damage to herself emotionally and her relationships with others by her actions as probably the health problem has done to her body.[/quote]

You have no way of knowing this. People can't help having the personality they have anyway. But what you CAN tell from this thread is that OP has no empathy or sympathy whatsoever, so instead of criticizing a woman you don't know, why don't you condemn OP, who has shown you who she is?[/quote]

Uh, people most certainly CAN control their personality.  One person didn't just suddenly wake up one morning and have a sunny personality while another is the complainer.  These are patterns of behavior that have developed over years of acts.  OP's sister has chosen to act the way she has and that has greatly contributed to the poor way people perceive her.  She needs to own it and if she wants to change it then she needs to take the steps to do it.  She isn't a feather in the wind and she needs to stop believing/acting like she is.  She now has a diagnosis.  She needs to own it and take charge to act on it to resolve her physical health issue.

And I'm not going to condemn OP because I understand her position. She has reacted the way most people probably have around OP's sister.[/quote]

No. You tell yourself that most people would react this way because you want to excuse your own awful behavior, but you are wrong. You excuse OP because you are like OP. Both of you are awful.

We had a family member with a history like this. We never questioned or invalidated the family member the way you and OP defend. Years later, it turns out that my family member has a condition so rare that academics write papers about her. I am so glad we didn't gaslight and emotionally abuse our family member! Both of you are terrible people.[/quote]

Well bless your heart.  Coming from you that's a compliment!   :wink: [/quote]

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