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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As I said I am not leaving unless forced or somehow can’t handle the situation till my oldest graduates high school. I will feel better as well knowing for sure it’s the right decision. I am not that young and a couple of years likely won’t matter in the long run. I will look for a better therapist and ask him the questions posted here. Lots of people leave their spouses after a child leaves the house. It wouldn’t be that awkward then either. [/quote]

My cheating ex DW was a compulsive liar and had issues with her family both of which I only discovered through marriage counseling. But  I will join the chorus and say that in general it’s a waste of time and just serves to benefit the cheater. If I had my time again I would go to individual counseling first.  You need to figure your own goals and look at ‘you’.  That way you can make a more informed decision about about your choice to stay or leave.  Btw I don’t get why you’d stay until the kid leaves. It sounds good in theory but gains you nothing in the long term.[/quote]

Because other than the cheating he is a good husband and father. He tells me he loves me and is working to improve. He does a lot for us all, takes care of the house, finances, drop offs, and our special needs child needs a lot of help. The cheating has stopped or at least I don't know about it and its minimized if at all. I just don't have the time. It's an issue that hasn't gone away, but life still goes on.[/quote]

One of the saddest posts. It's like saying Ted Bundy was a great guy except for that little nasty habit he had.

He's not a good husband or father if he cheats. However you have kids and a SN child and obviously you want to keep your family together. I would too because their more important than the cheater or the garbage their with. Also, you don't want that kind of garbage around your kids. Not to mention what other kids the OW would have or problems they would cause your own. And yes I've seen that scenario with various friends. It's destroys families, but don't delude yourself. If he says he's not going to cheat then check up on him until he proves he's changed. It's also about your health which you should value. [/quote]

Can we please not call other human beings garbage?  People do terrible things sometimes, and it’s perfectly legitimate to recommend breaking up or cutting contact, but nothing justifies calling another person garbage, especially one driven by mental illness.

I mean, honestly, the situation is tragic for everyone involved and calling the mentally ill cheater spouse garbage really doesn’t make a useful contribution in any way.  It’s not necessary to denigrate other humans to such a degree to justify breaking up with him.  In fact, IMO, this is one of the cultural concepts that keeps women in relationships with men that are not a good fit. Women can break up with boyfriends, fiancees and husbands for any reason whether they are good or bad humans. We women are allowed to determine what boundaries to have in life and we are not obligated to stay with guys because they are nice.  OP’s DH could be a really great guy, but he is doing something (cheating) that is physically and emotionally unhealthy and unsafe for OP.  That alone is reason to break up, if she wants to.  But, she doesn’t really need any reason at all. [/quote]

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