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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. My DH sounds like yours. Is it something that manifests itself later in life?  I would never call him bipolar. He’s the same person to me every day. But every so like 0.5 percent of the time he gets these kind of manic behaviors just the way you describe. [/quote]

I'm the PP who described all that.  Yes, I think it's very possible, given your DH's form of cheating, which sounds impulsive and risky.  My husband was diagnosed with bipolar II at 40 after incorrectly being treated with antidepressants for a few years, which actually make bipolar mania worse.  I think you should search this and the health forum for "hypomania" and see if anything sounds familiar.  Again, I'll stress that my STBX has never ever ever acted overtly, noticeably manic, upbeat, happy, excited, reckless, none of that.  His hypomania presents as agitation, impatience, and anxiety, which looks a lot like depression. [/quote]

I am the PP w/ bipolar ex at 18:51 to whom PP above previously responded.  I would also say bipolar is a possible diagnosis for several reasons:

1) you previously mentioned that your DH was diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety and depression.  ADHD is often (mis)diagnosed when bipolar is the true root cause.  Is he hyperactive type ADHD?  Does he feel driven by a motor sometimes like he can't sit still or stay inside?  That is my exDH when the hypomania kicks in.  He finds it hard to focus.  His conversation is a bit disjointed -- very subtle, but he responds to questions with answers that are not on point or are a non-sequitar but not so far off the mark that you wouldn't just assume he was a bit rude in not responding to you.  It's a basic principle of medicine to look for one diagnosis that explains all symptoms instead of 3 separate co-occurring conditions.  Bipolar comes with all three of those symptoms in different phases.

2)  There are two types of bipolar -- Type I is depresssion with cycles of florid mania.  Florid mania is the kind of disconnected from reality mania -- special messages from religion, think you can fly, fell in love with a prostitute in another state and moving out of the marriage, gambling all the money away, etc.  Hypomania is a lower kind of mania that often appears to be a behavioral choice -- an affair because your H is unhappy with the "marriage", a porn addiction (without losing all the money), periods of being "up" and "happy" and starting new projects.  Most of us think of mania as "euphoric" or "happy".  But, people can also have a "dysphoric" mania.  The florid manic state might be very hostile and physically agressive.  The hypomanic dysphoria might be anxious or agitated and irritable or very mixed.  To make things even more confusing, we usually think of depression as "sadness".  But many people experience depression as a period when they are increasingly inrritable or angry, have a very negative view of everything (almost like being mildly paranoid).   But, depression is more than just "mood".  It is also a psychomotor state.  In depression, my exDH often proclaimed to be sick or even really he was sick more often, staying in bed and avoiding events (either work or social) because he didn't "feel well".  He would sleep a lot and still take naps during the day.  By contrast, in hypomania, he started staying up late, chatting with everyone, crossing boundaries, missing social cues, increasingly energetic, etc.   Sleep patterns are a big tell in bipolar depression.

3) you husband's pattern of sexuality -- which you described in one place as something he was "uncomfortable with" and doesn't "relate well too" sounds like sex in depressive phase to me.

It is not uncommon for people to be diagnosed with bipolar late in life --- not because it was "triggered" but because it had been present for a long time but perceived as something else -- another diagnosis, a "choice," a "relationship problem," boredom, etc.  Average time to correct diagnosis for bipolar patients is 7 YEARS.  Think about that -- some people are diagnosed sooner than 7 years but a significant number are not properly diagnosed for longer than 7 years!

If your DH is seeing a psychiatrist, you should be attending 5-10 minutes of each session to be an "independent reporter" of mood and behavior.  People with bipolar are notorious for only reporting the depressive  aspects of their illness.  The depression feels so bad, they know something is wrong.  But the mania or hypomania feels good.  It feels like how they think life should be.  Who would want to give up the hypomanic state which makes them happy, gets them into sexual relationships, makes them productive and active and doing lots of fun stuff?

If your DH and your DH"s psychiatrist don't let you regularly participate in psychiatry appointments, then, IMO, that is 1) a sign that your DH doesn't have a good psychiatrist because it is actually an accepted part of "best practices" to involve a close friend or family member in this way in treatment, while maintaining privacy.  A good psychiatrist will let you provide a few minutes of independent reporting, spend the rest of the session talking with the patient, and then bring the family member in to hear the treatment decisions.  Is there a change in medication?  What side effects should be watched for?  etc.  If your DH isn't willing to involve you in this way, then, IMO, the relationship is not likely to succeed.

FWIW, my exDH's bipolar is seasonal -- he begins to go up as soon as January and stays up until about August when he becomes increasingly anxious and irritable, really crashing down in the Sept-Dec. range (Thanksgiving and Xmas are so fun - not!)

You should read more about bipolar and see what you think about the symptoms and whether there is a cycle.  Cycles can be any length -- multi-year, one year like my exDH's or rapid (as PP's STBX DH was diagnosed).  Some people are ultra-rapid cyclers, with up/down cycles within one day.)

Please read up.  I like Francis Mondimore's, "Bipolar Disorder: A Guide for Patients and Families" and David Miklowitz's book Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide.  (Miklowitz is the creator of Family Focused Therapy, which together with Ellen Frank's Interpersonal and Social Rythm Therapy are two therapies demonstrated to be effective with bipolar, along with CBT and DBT, I think).   I also like "I'm not Sick; I don't Need Help" by Xavier Amador, which gives some insight about why people with mental illness don't recognize that they are ill.

NAMI is also an excellent resource.  They have a great website, support groups and classes for family members and "consumers" aka "patients".  I particularly like their Family to Family course, which you can now take online. (Free!)  So, whether your DH has anxiety or depression or bipolar, any of those would be addressed.  There is also a NAMI Basics, but I think that is for parents of mentally ill kids under 18.

FWIW, my exDH, like PP was initially diagnosed with depression and prescribed anti-depressants which made his hypomania worse.  The STEP-BD trials ( a large multi-arm controlled trial conducted by NIMH to try to develop best treatment practices) concluded that anti-depressant treatment is, in most cases, NOT appropriate in bipolar depression.  See -- [url]https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/case-against-antidepressants-bipolar-depression-findings-step-bd[/url]

Good luck![/quote]

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