Reply to SAHM vs WOHM, why the strong feelings

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I really don't get it. Right now [b]I'm a stay at home mom because that is what is working for us right now.[/b] In a few years I would love to work part time (probably as a teacher).

I just don't get the need to form or take sides. I have friends who are doctors. Lawyers. Teachers. One doctor friend works 2 days a week and I consider her basically a sahm. My SAHM friends are just as smart and competent, but staying at home works better for them.

People and situations change over time. One day you might choose to stay at home for a year, or work for a while.

There's no one right way to do life or parenting. Some kids need a sah parent; most are just as happy in day care. Some husbands don't want to be involved in household decisions, others want to know what brand soap you use to wash dishes. Not everything needs to be either/ or.

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For SAHM, saying “it’s what is working for us right now” doesn’t evoke strong feelings from me. It means it’s fluid, any choice is valid and perhaps in a different situation you might make a different choice and it’s a YMMV situation.  When someone leads with “and I would never put my child in daycare, I strongly believe a parent should be home with the kids etc.”, that has changed the conversation in my mind to an implied criticism of other choices.  If you truly believe a child can have a great childhood and be a contributing member of society if they go to daycare and have WOHM, why frame it as you have to be there for those things to occur?

Some of this is also the “provider” narrative with some of the DCUM debates.  That there is a competition of how good of a guy you have and how worthy you must have been to get that guy based on either how much of a provider or how involved he is in the family life and division of labor in the household.    The law firm partner who also coaches their kids sports teams and you see at school events and his wife is a SAHM with help - I just think - well she has it like that.  There are lots of debates that can be had about the “provider” mindset, what if that doesn’t work for the guy, does that make him a bad guy?is it okay for the woman to be the provider.  Does having the man as the provider mindset hold woman back either themselves or others.  I’ve heard of someone choosing not to get rid of a guy that wasn’t doing his job well because he had “a family to provide for” while not giving a promotion to a woman because they said they didn’t have enough money for the raise.  Is it okay for the woman to be the provider?  I feel like people are still feeling their way around these questions and define what makes a good spouse and what makes a good parent without some of the gender defines roles. Some of the SAHM vs WOHM debates are an extension of these things.[/quote]

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