Reply to Flame Me: I don't think affairs are generally a big deal

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Reply to "Flame Me: I don't think affairs are generally a big deal"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I thought the same until my husband had a 4-year affair at year 22, in a happy, sex-filled marriage.

It’s debilitating.  I have mentally suffered.  I have trauma.  I have depression.  I lost the ability to work, barely get through the work day.  The nightmares don’t stop.

I had a happy childhood with parents happily married 55 years.  I am a strong, educated woman with a career and very attractive.

The lies and secrets.  The dishonesty.  
[b]
If you value honesty and integrity, you will never be able to reconcile the actions.[/b]

In the abstract, it seems like no big deal. Nothing like reality.

[/quote]

This. It’s the lies and dishonesty that ends it. [/quote]

I have never been through an affair, but my husband has a substance use disorder.  He has been sober for eight years now, but I am not sure I will ever really forget the lies.  I still don't really trust that he is where he says he is, and it does create a distance between us.  
At least I can always make him take a drug test from CVS though.  An affair would be so much harder to get past.  It seems like you would never really know for sure that it wasn't happening again.    [/quote]

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