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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t know what the right balance is for your family, but lots of families at DS’s school have a SAHM and an au pair. No one thinks this is odd. Especially with three kids and all their activities.

I think OP needs to be more direct. Tell DH he needs to sign the kids up for activities, fill out the school forms, make the medical appointments, etc.  He doesn’t want to be friends with other parents. You can’t make someone want that if they don’t want it. [/quote]

OP
I understand what you’re saying here
[b]But I don’t really want to be working 80 hours a week right now 
I also hate to miss so much stuff with my kids because I’m working or on call all the time [/b]
I have a full time role but also a leadership position so the responsibilities have grown out of control this year with trying to navigate Covid 
We all have to do stuff we’d prefer not to do, I don’t have a choice when I’m working 
When I’m not working I’d like to be able to relax with my kids instead of coordinating the landscaper or running out to get a birthday gift DH forgot [/quote]

NP here.  You are expecting a donkey is going to turn into an Arabian stallion and no amount of wishing is going to change your DH.  So you have to decide if you feel like you are missing out on the kids growing up, what flexibility is available at your job or do you need to look for another role?  Can you start work earlier and finish or take a 1.5 hour lunch break or work extra hours to take off every other Friday? I remember years ago I felt like I was failing with not enough time to get things done at work, not enough time to get stuff done at home, and always on the go with the kids when I wasn’t at work.  I modified my schedule to take every other Friday off and work from home one day a week and it made a huge difference. I also stopped organizing play dates, reduced volunteering at the school, and cut back on the kids activities.

With DH, if you are on calls and answering the door is an issue, I would get a door camera and discuss where to put the bell/ring.  You can answer on your device (phone/tablet) and if you have any critical work calls, just discuss ahead of time that you need him to keep his phone on or put the chime/device in the room where he is located.  Otherwise, the door doesn’t get answered if you are on an important call.  As for the other chores, the other poster had some good advice.  The bottom line is he isn’t going to magical suddenly appreciate all you do or take on the SAHD role like a champ when it hasn’t been happening this long.  But you can do things to eliminate excuses (I didn’t hear the door), drop what needs to be done to the bare minimum and give him a choice of which items he takes on from the pared down list and he owns them/has accountability for them.  [/quote]

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