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[quote=Anonymous]I don’t “get” it either, op. You have a nanny who lives in and works 6 days a week.  Your kids are elementary school age.

Why not have the nanny take the kids where you want them to go?

You mention the diversity of your neighborhood.  Are you sure your husband isn’t being shunned because he’s a married, straight, white male?  Believe me, that does happen.

Count me as one of the women who finds stay-at-home dads a bit odd.  I can never tell if they are interested in a kid friendship or an adult playdate.

It doesn’t help when they refuse to give me their wives’ phone numbers so I can at least include the wife in a group chat.  Maybe I’m cautious, though no happily married woman has ever said “you know, go ahead and text my husband all you want, I trust him”.  When I do text a dad in our circle, I include his wife and my husband.

I am also wondering if your husband has something wrong with him.  If it isn’t alcohol, might it be porn or sex addiction?

It’s odd that he’d be happy being home under the conditions you describe.

Finally, lay off about his volunteering.  It’s very possible he’s tried and been treated poorly.  It’s possible he’s seen activities that don’t appeal to him.  Our PTA was looking for a treasurer.  No way would I want to do that, I don’t even like handling my own money.

If there is something that you’d like him to do with you, then tell him that.  If you just want to farm him out to prove how much you care about the community, that needs to stop.  It isn’t your place.  You are free to volunteer, and with your nanny’s work schedule, that’s easy for you to do.  You aren’t free to task him to find something to do because you think it makes the family look good.

I can tell you from experience, all volunteer organizations want is free labor. That’s fine so far as it goes, and it’s fine if the people doing it are happy with their contribution and what they are asked to do, but it is also very personal.  What might not phase one person may make another person literally quit on the spot in anger, frustration or pain.  Volunteerism isn’t something you can task another person to do.

Finally, and I don’t know why this jumped out at me, but if he really isn’t hearing the door while he’s in the office area of your home, consider a ring camera.  You can do that for a little cash, and it’s easier then trying to convince him to get his hearing checked.

If you are absolutely sure that he checks out okay from an addiction standpoint, I’d wonder if he has a hearing loss, or some kind of processing disorder.  I kid my husband and say that his name is his “wake word” like how Alexa works. Thing is, he’s been this way since the day I met him, you literally can’t have a conversation with him without saying his name, even during times when you think he’d be listening.  I have noticed he has improved some, though I’ve also noticed that he has had to learn this skill in much the same way a person learns to ride a bike or cook.  It isn’t naturally occurring for him.  Might your husband truly not know anybody is speaking to him?

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