Reply to Long term affair... trying to wrap my head around if it’s even possible to get over your DH’s 3 yr

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

I’ve been married for 15 years, together for 20. We are still deeply in love after all these years, not just two people who share a house. So any infidelity from either of us would be such a massive betrayal that our marriage would have to end. I just cannot fathom doing the math on my spouse “only banging her X amount of times per month” and choosing to stay. Have some self respect, people.[/quote]

HAHA... no infidelity that you know of. Sure you can have a deeply committed and in love marriage and he can be banging the secretary. For men it's different and you clearly don't get it.

Just because a man loves you does not mean you have to stay married. [/quote]

You seem confused. Are you sure you’re replying to the right post?[/quote]

Yes. I'm replying to somebody that imagines "because they are not 2 people just sharing a house" that there could never be infidelity. It's a lie people tell themselves as self protections. They believe if they "do everything right" nothing bad can happen. It's not rare to have an affair and 1 person thought they were deeply in love and are blindsided. Here is the thing, you can be deeply in love and have an affair. She clearly does not get that. She is in the "this could never happen to me" category and she is wrong.[/quote]

Point to the part of my post where I say there could never be infidelity?[/quote]

You said that your H has been faithful the whole marriage so you clearly think there has been no infidelity. You can't be positive. You only think there has been no infidelity.[/quote]

I made no such claim, and you really need to work on your reading comprehension. Is it possible he’s cheated and I didn’t know about it? Of course. But if I did find out about it, I sure as hell would never stay.

And you can say “you don’t know what you would do” all you want. I know myself. I would not stay.[/quote]

If I could double charge for every woman that wants to leave because that is what her 30 year old self told her she would do instead of what she actually wants to do because it is best for her family...  I'd be retired. Ego is a strange bedfellow.

You think you are being righteous but you are being self righteous. It's destructive, you should work on that
.
Good luck!

P.S. OP I'm not saying to stay, but don't listen to people who have never been in your situation ... they have no basis for their opinions.

It's way too complicated for a post on DCUM. I'm sorry for your pain. You will rise, no matter if you stay or go, stay true to yourself. [/quote]

I’m not sure why you’re so upset that I would choose something different than what you apparently chose to do when you were cheated on. I guess it must sting to know that other women consider it a loss of dignity or self-respect to stay with a cheating spouse. I’m sorry for all the pain you must have endured. Good luck to you as well.[/quote]

Wow! You are a mess.

I have not been cheated on but I am a therapist and since I am not acting as a therapist right now... I can tell you ... you seriously need therapy.

[/quote]

If this is your response to the above post, you have no business practicing as a therapist. Yikes.[/quote]

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