Reply to Long term affair... trying to wrap my head around if it’s even possible to get over your DH’s 3 yr

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It has been more than two-and-a-half years since my husband had an affair.  I did not resist when my husband said he needed the freedom to experience some opportunities; both because he made it clear that he could not be with someone who tells him what to do, and because he said that he was not willing to give up the potential for happiness with someone else.  (Set love free and it will come back to you, if it is meant to be.)  In truth, I was certainly in a state of shock-and-survival, and wanted simply to maintain some semblance of calm and structure for our children.

My husband has since lived away from our family (I have raised the children almost entirely by myself during this time, though he continues to provide financially, for which I am grateful), has enjoyed relationships with several women, and casually dated others.  Most recently he was visiting and vacationing with his initial affair partner.  He offers out the hope that perhaps he will come back, though he cautions that he cannot do so if he will always be reminded of it.  I am happy and willing to forget the past and put it behind us.  And I continue to harbor the eternal hope (and love) for reconciliation.

But in the end OP, I do not think that my husband will ever return, because I think that men who have experienced the freedom of an  extended sexual relationship(s) outside of the marriage do not care to come back to a monogamous, lifetime commitment to their spouse.  Have the courage and strength OP to make healthy, good decisions for yourself and your children, whatever those may be.[/quote]

[b]WOW.[/b][i][/quote]

In retrospect I wish I had had the strength to assert my own needs with my husband, because a path completely free of any boundaries, demands, and/or repercussions has not brought my husband's love back to me.  I recount my own choice(s) so that OP can consider (and judge) at least this one option.[/quote]

I hope in retrospect you see the young woman you were who did the best she could with the information you had. Now you see the young but older woman you are and realize you have grown. That is what life is about learning and growing in strength, compassion and empathy.

Bless you![/quote]

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