Reply to How do you get over being ostracized from a group?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Look within yourself. Are there any truths in what they say? Is it something you can change. You change not for them but for the faults you don't see in yourself that others see.

It's like if others say I am just mean because I never respond to text or emails. If there are some truth to that, perhaps, it's a good reason they feel that way. If it's an opinion like they never like the way you are dressed, hey, that's mainly their problem unless you absolutely look like a slob. 
[/quote]

Oof, OP, do not do this. One of the best pieces of advice I ever got is that you can disregard criticism that isn't offered in kindness. If these people had issues with you, it sounds like not one of them cared enough to talk to you one to one about any of it. And if they were lying about you or taking things you've done out of context, their opinion of you is suspect. You do not need to change your personality based on the gossip. You are right to drop them and invest energy in more loyal, genuine friends.

I had a friend many years ago who was doing some things that I became increasingly offended by/concerned about. She was on a personal high at the time (high paying job, had gotten into great shape, personal life going well) and she started lording it over other people, making fun of friends behind their backs, being very ostentatious about her spending both on social media and when hanging out with friends (i.e. super brand conscious and also condescending of other people's clothes/travel/cars if it wasn't as high end as hers), and just generally kind of being a pill. I had the guts to talk to her, because I genuinely liked her but couldn't overlook this behavior anymore. I did it privately and directly, not by just talking about her behind her back. She got defensive and our friendship fell apart soon after. But guess what? She stopped doing the stuff I complained about pretty fast, too. Stopped posting photos of all her purchases online, focused more energy on charitable outlets. I don't know if she stopped being nasty behind people's backs (I expect this is an outgrowth of her own insecurity and might be a harder habit to break) but from outwards appearances I think she made a turn for the better. Even though I'm sorry it ended our friendship, I have no regrets about talking to her. I really do think she was getting out of control and that might comments might have helped her reconsider how her behavior was impacting others.

If someone cares about you, they will pull you aside and let you know in person and privately if you are doing things that are hurtful. But anyone not willing to do that doesn't deserve your attention. It sounds like you have good sense of yourself. Forget these jerks.[/quote]

you're a good friend!  I treasure my besties because they will always give it to me straight when I deserve it. [/quote]

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