Reply to How do you get over being ostracized from a group?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This group’s actions certainly seem extreme but as a reality check, who among us has never said a negative thing about a friend?[/quote]

Sure but that's not what OP is talking about. Everyone says negative things about their friends sometimes. I get annoyed about my friends all the time, especially when I'm in a mood about other stuff, and I complain to my husband about lots of dumb stuff.

It's totally different if people are saying a bunch of negative things about you, behind your back, while hiding it from you. And I can't imagine how hurtful it would be if some of those people were friends that you never expected to gossip about you in that way. I haven't had something like that happen since my 20s, but reading these posts really brought it all flooding back. Gossip really is pernicious, and people should realize that by the time you are in your 30s and 40s. If you have lots of interconnected friends, you have to learn how to discuss one another in discreet ways. Keep those conversations one on one (no piling on), don't do it at social events, never put it in writing, and don't play telephone (if someone confides in you that they don't like someone or had an issue with someone, NEVER pass that info along -- it doesn't belong to you).

The difference between saying a negative thing about a friend and what happened to OP is like the difference between making an illegal right turn on an empty street, and drunk driving. They are both against the law, but the risks of harming people are much, much higher with the latter.[/quote]

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