Reply to How do you get over being ostracized from a group?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]I second the advice to try not seeing the group as a single entity and see if there are any friendships you can preserve.[/b] Groups like this are great for being invited to parties etc but true friendships are formed on the sidelines. 
I am sorry this happened to you and I don’t know specifically what was said but it is possible that once the conversation got going some folks chimed in not meaning any harm. Everyone talks about people and I myself have said things about dear friends that I would not want them to hear. Maybe you have too. Definitely a mistake to put it in email. 
On the other hand, i do find it odd that no one has reached out to you. If that’s the case it speaks to the superficiality of the group. [/quote]

No, this is bad advice. Speaking as a prior PP who's been ostracized here. The stain and the stink of the thing that happened trickles into these relationships. It becomes this weird thing to sidestep, the elephant in the room. This is why being friends with a terrible person/queen bee will always bite you -- even you weren't directly involved in one of these disasters, you are now part of the fallout. And OP will find, as I did, that even if there were some overall "OK" people in the group, it's impossible to trust them if they didn't stop it from happening, speak up at the time, or help you in some way. You can explain away or try to "understand" why they didn't help/speak up/"get involved" for awhile ... but it doesn't last, and with distance, you may find that you actually judge these people harsher, not less. And once you can't trust them -- that nagging feeling doesn't go away. Been there. Onward, OP. [/quote]

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