Reply to Sexless-ness is an acceptable negative outcome from marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] In my experience, most men are very resistant to the idea that they need to change their behavior if they want sex. Which kind of boggles my mind - obviously most understand that if they want sex with a woman they just started dating, they need to have acceptable behavior. That seems to go out the window once they're married.

I would think that it's way easier to just alter your behavior in your marriage, rather than go through a divorce, lose money/assets, lose time with your kids, and likely face a reality that other women don't want to have sex with you, either. Either way, you'll have to start behaving in a way that's attractive to women, so why not just do it within your own marriage.[/quote]

[b]When a woman decides she is no longer attracted to you, you are done. This won’t change no matter what you do. Get in shape, buy better clothes - [i]she won’t even notice.[/i] [/b]

In fact, if your goal is sex, it is way easier to get a divorce and date other women than to try and regain the interest of a wife who got bored with you. “face a reality that other women don't want to have sex with you, either” is not a reality at all. Just the opposite. Most divorced men discover that it is incredibly easy to find women who want to have sex with them even if they don’t change their behavior much at all. Ask me how I know![/quote]

You're halfway right. If there are deeper problems, yes, buying new clothes won't help. You're thinking like a man. Women aren't as visual.

But if you fix the underlying problems, yes, attraction can be regained. You need to build connection besides just sex.

Maybe you're the exception, but most divorced men I know aren't desirable and aren't getting laid regularly, or they do but are still miserable.[/quote]

I am telling you a man's experience. And it is precisely because "women aren't as visual" that it is much, much harder to "rebuild the connection" with a woman who has lost attraction to you than it is to have a new woman become attracted to you. A woman who has lost attraction to you has to "un-see" and forget all the things that made her unattracted, and the majority of women simply can't do that.

I am not an exceptionally attractive man, in my opinion. I have attractive qualities - e.g., I am tall and intelligent - but I am no Brad Pitt. Nonetheless, after the divorce, when I went online, it was a snap to find women who wanted to have sex with me. The other divorced men I know aren't having any trouble either, although most of them are in too much of a hurry to lock down a new woman, in my opinion.

"most divorced men I know aren't desirable" -- that's not desirable TO YOU. If they did the work they would find a woman who found them desirable.

"and aren't getting laid regularly" -- I don't even know how you would know this. I certainly don't discuss my sex life with my women friends.[/quote]

And we are telling you the woman's experience. I hate to tell you, cause I know you dont want to listen, but we get a say in it too. Women are "visual creatures"- arguably more so than men, given how much more we tend to care about things like home decor and clothes.  But yes, we also care about emotions, about how you're treating us.  So many men are almost pathologically selfish and self centered and then act shocked when we get turned off by it.  Hello! You've been acting like a douche and the attraction is gone.  Why is that so hard to figure out?

Of course you can find sex online- women can go online and have literally THOUSANDS of options- many more than you, as a man, will ever ever ever have. But how is that relevant? It's not about doing the easy thing, it's about doing the correct thing, unless you're just lazy beyond belief.

And I am a single woman and ITA that divorced men arent desirable. In fact most of them give off a very sad vibe that most unmarried women, except the desperate ones, really want to avoid. [/quote]

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