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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My parents divorced when I was in middle school, with my mom getting primary custody. It was awful, and 30 years later, it still affects me. But I don't think the custody arrangement was what made it awful. I think what made it awful was that my mom went out of her way to make it hard for my dad to get his mandatory time with the kids, rarely let him have bonus time, and constantly told us what a horrible person he was. Before the divorce, I was closer to my dad and basically had a good relationship with him, but the divorce destroyed that and it took about another 15-20 years to get back something remotely decent with him. And today, you know what I think? I think it was my mom who was a horrible person. So, I my advice for OP on the custody arrangement is not to get hung up on the percentages, but rather to focus on getting along with your ex (or biting your tongue if that's the most you can do) and staying really engaged with the kids.[/quote]

You have my sympathies as I went through something very similar.  My mother essentially tried to poison me against my father although he did nothing to deserve it.  My mother's tactics didn't work.  Although I forgave her it was extremely damaging to go through as a child.

If you haven't read up about Parental Alienation Syndrome it may be helpful.  I wish more divorced people would - so they can learn to stop this psychological abuse before it takes hold.[/quote]

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