Reply to If Affair was in the past, do you disclose?

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Reply to "If Affair was in the past, do you disclose?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s a cancer.  Oprah special on affairs —experts all advocated it must come out.  Secrets are bad in marriages.[/quote]

These "experts" make their lifelihood on selling counseling.  Sure they want you to do therapy. They make their $150 per hour on every visit.

My experience with marriage therapists has not been all that great.[/quote]

The experts tell the cheaters what they want to hear and will not take a 'moral' stance.  They advocate lying to their spouses and do not ever ask 'are you using protection?  Is your spouse's health endangered?'.  Nope.  They don't care. Just keep them coming back and cashing that check.  There are some real snake oil salesman out there.  Google therapist and see how many are in the area from 3rd rate schools in a field as questionable as 'cosmetology/astrology'.  There are a few good ones out there, but most people never find them and are further damaged by bad therapy.  The solution one marriage therapist suggested to my narcissistic spouse (4 years later diagnosed as a clinical narcissist) was to bring other people into the marriage.  That I should try a 3-some.  They scar the victims even further making them think they did something wrong.  Oh--btw, he never mentioned sexual dissatisfaction as a problem.  We were having sex 3-4 time per week.   All this sicko therapist ever wanted to talk about was our sex in great detail.  He never once asked about my husband's severely messed up childhood or any of those brutal issues.  [/quote]

I'm really sorry that therapy became just another negative experience for you and it prolonged the problem. There are some terrible therapists, and there are some good therapists who help people improve their lives and relationships... and who wouldn't miss signs of narcissism, wouldn't advise polyamory after betrayal, wouldn't avoiding asking about childhood experience.[/quote]

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