Reply to I’m married and I have developed feelings for a friend

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[quote=Anonymous]This is OP. Thanks for your comments.

Yes I have thought about divorce before now, before developing a crush on/feelings for this person. DH and I have had ups and downs, over the last few years especially, much of which centered on how little he did with kids and around the house, and a couple of those times I mentioned going to therapy which he declined. But, during  those downs/fights/bad times we still maintained an emotional/love connection in the good moments. Last year that changed and dealing with the other things felt that much more challenging without emotionally connecting. I brought up that lack of connection two times a couple months apart, and suggested therapy which he again declined. At that point I was just tired of talking about it and initiating all the conversation about us, so I just stopped.

After some more of that I think I started to get used to feeling more like a roommate with DH, thinking that nothing would change and thinking about my options as far as divorce and custody were concerned, but waffling on what would be right for the kids and whether this was just a phase or whether I could adjust to the relationship circumstances. Then when I spent time with this person it put a much finer point on what it had felt like to be without that conversation, connection, shared experience, etc.

At first I thought my interest was just a symptom of my issues with DH, as people have pointed out, but it has also ballooned into something that feels like more than that. It has been growing and occupying a lot of brain space and it’s been hard to disentangle these infatuation feelings from what it represents/may represent about my relationship and whether it’s worth staying in.

I have absolutely no idea if this person is even interested in me in any way beyond being occasionally nice to chat with, so the comments about his moral compass because he would “go for” a married woman are not really relevant. We have been in the same group hangout maybe 10-12 times over the last year, sometimes with DH present. It’s absolutely possible he would want nothing to do with some divorcee with two kids who is 5+ years older than he is. And even if he were interested I recognize that years down the line there could be similar issues, and/or that his interest has little to do with whether I should pursue a divorce. [/quote]

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