Reply to Why Is My 16 Year Old Son A Raging Asshat?

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[quote=Anonymous]When I was a teenager I did not like my family very much.  I found them embarrassing.  I did not share their world view or opinions on anything:  politics; fashion; money; etc...  you name it.  I still feel that way, albeit more mildly as an adult.  Honestly, I just felt out of sync with them on everything, like a changeling.  It was awful dealing with those feelings on a daily basis when I lived at home.  Once I went away to college things were better and, as a adult with my own family, its better still.  That said, I am not really close to my mom, dad or brother, they are just too different from me.  I love them but I do not love being with them.  It is not differences that you would necessarily be able to see.  They are upper middle class as am I, so its not a "class" issue (like being embarrassed of a poor background).  If anything I would say the best way to describe it is that they are all kind of "dorky" as silly and "teenager-ish" as that sounds.  They just really get on my nerves.  When I was dependent on them, I had to toe the line because they were super strict and would have made my life miserable if I were disrespectful or broke household rules.  As far as grades, I was much like your son.  I easily made Bs and some As in honors classes but did not study or work hard at all.  I was grounded when I failed to make Honor Roll and it did not matter.  I did not change.  My mom and I survived it better than my dad and I.  She was more kind and loving an didn't constantly yell and push me.  When my Dad would scream or lecture I would literally just tune him out mentally.  Every time he did this, I filed it away in my head and knew that as soon as I could "escape" his authority I would have as little to do with him as possible and, I do.

So, my advice to you is tone it down on everything except the respect part.  I would calmly tell him that he has to live with the consequences of his actions at school, on sport teams, and at home (no helping you, you do nothing for him) BUT the one thing he HAS to do is treat you and his father and his siblings respectfully as long as he lives with you.  Otherwise you will ship him off to a military style boarding school.  Get some brochures and start looking into it.  [/quote]

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