Reply to Inflexible, Perfectionist Parents, How Did You Relax Your Parenting?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP Here. I know parents of 4 who will use tylenol PM to put their fussy child to sleep on tough nights.  One classmate of my daughters already has several capped teeth. She's constantly sucking on lollipops when we see her at the park. Another child gets a ham sandwich for lunch every day, despite telling her mom she's committed to vegetarianism.  She confessed to me that she likes coming to my home for playdates because I don't force her to eat meat.  (My kids are vegetarian by choice; DH & I are not. Yet, accommodate everyone's dietary preferences.)

I'm sure all the parents above think they're doing a great job.  I happen to be very hyper-critical and self aware. The world is full of clueless people who think they're doing an awesome job.

The world isn't so black and white.  I'd love to hear more nuanced answers from people who understand the benefits (and downsides) of being conscientious and, yes, perfectionist.

[/quote]

You call yourself a perfectionist but you are making some truly terrible parenting choices by nitpicking and obsessing. Maybe it would help you to try to reframe those patterns as very undesirable ones (way, way worse than lollipop permitting)  rather than perfectionistic. I think I value the same sorts of things you do in regards to healthy eating and media use but I am acutely aware of how damaging a critical environment is so that helps me be more flexible about them. [/quote]

OP's black and white thinking (it's either all natural sunscreen or you are on the slippery slope to spiking kool-aid with tylenol pm) seems to me to be a sign of deep anxiety. To me the answer to what happens if my kid eats a cereal bar for breakfast is somewhere between nothing happens and my kid begs for cereal bars all the time/kid seems grumpy and maybe it's because they had too much sugar and not enough protein. If you loosening up on any of these small choices as the beginning of a descent into chaos-that's the anxiety talking. Maybe if meds aren't on the table, something like cognitive behavioral therapy?

For me, I see being flexible and helping my kid be flexible as key to helping her be successful in a diverse world. [/quote]

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