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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have been following this thread with interest and I appreciate OP putting his thoughts/feelings out there and working on himself etc

I am in a similar position but a woman with 3 kids to raise.  My divorce is 3 years out and I am doing well in many areas of my life … but romance, not so much.
I went on a date last Friday and the guy was all into me and then we texted but it slowed down from his end.  [b]I don't know why it affects me so much and I cannot just be more relaxed about it. [/b] [/quote]

NP here.  Because you are human!  I think it's actual a normal human response to like someone and then feel a little sad if they show interest in you and then kind of disappear.  I'm not sure if this is a millennial contribution or just a result of internet/online/virtual life, but the notion that we're all supposed to be automatons without feelings and kind of cool with just sort of superficial on again/off again communication is ridiculous.

My advice to you is to forget him.  You don't necessarily need for someone to text you a lot, but you should look for consistency.  If someone texts a lot and then kind of fades away and then texts a lot and then fades away, you need to cut him off.  He's only going to end up hurting you.  He's either emotionally unavailable or using you as kind of a back burner while pursuing someone for whom he has feelings but isn't confident likes him back.  Don't let a guy use you for validation only to leave you feeling unvalidated.

Side note: he's probably being used by someone as a back burner as well, which is why he is stringing you along.[/quote]

NP but, when does all this end? Most people want to love and be loved, right? Why is all of this so hard? You would think adults who had some battle scars would be better at this but it seems like it's worse than ever. [/quote]

I'm the PP.  I agree with you.  And yes, you would think that adults with battle scars (and being older and supposedly more mature) would be better, but I actually think that men in their 40s with battle scars are the worst for this type of behavior.  They seem (just from observations of friends) seem to be the most inclined to want to have their iron in a lot of fires.  I think that it is, one, they feel like having a bunch of back burner relationships insulates them from getting too hurt or being alone and, two, because they were hurt and are aging, they need a lot of validation but are unwilling to commit enough to really get the kind of meaningful and truly satisfying validation for which they yearn.  So they pursue superficial validation.  [/quote]

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