Reply to Giving your married child a down payment, then divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Also, OP, please be aware that while these sort of structures can be somewhat common, they come with a lot of judgement from random people and voyeurism that can upset your adult child's life. Be careful. There is a LOT of hate towards those with family money, and any perception of that can have disastrous consequences for their careers, their future children's schooling, etc. You should not help them to purchase a home that they cannot afford without your help. It will backfire in a major way.

I come from a family like this and own a small home (1000 sq feet) in a nice neighborhood. DH has an executive level corporate job and I SH. It has been extremely hard for my children to make friends outside of school, and my oldest is homeschooled because private schools are not realistic for DH and I without major sacrifices in our own savings goals. We have tried private schools with family money and the bullying that my kids had to endure over it was awful. People were always trying to find out if my parents were famous (they are not) and spreading gossip about us, including the school staff. And my ILs have a huge problem with the down payment help that my parents offered. That's been fun. I hear about it every time I visit them, and I don't even know how they know.[/quote]

This is truly bizarre. We're at an "old money" private school and I can't imagine that anyone knows or cares how we pay for it (answer: financial aid). Certainly not enough to bully our kid! I'm also 100% sure that some of his classmates have Grandma and Grandpa paying for school.... and nobody cares. Why would they? Were your kids talking about how rich their grandparents are? Otherwise I just can't figure out how anyone would know or care.[/quote]

Our experience has been that kids do talk about money in public elementary school.  Family money, their own savings, gifts - kids talk.  And some do judge.  Behavior has to be modeled after what they see in the home.[/quote]

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