Reply to Signs of infidelity?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Signs of infidelity?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are you still friends with the person that facilitated you cheating on your wife that ended up costing you your marriage/family?[/quote]

We are. [/quote]

Do you regret cheating?  If so, why since so many men who cheat don't care if the cheating has any impact on the wife.  How is your ex wife doing now since this will affect her for a long time.

Also, there are studies that indicate that who you hang out with can influence your choices (just like your family can model behavior) and so why hang around with someone who facilitated this action for you?  Just trying to gauge your mindset on this vs. your actions.

Thank you for answering questions.[/quote]

I'll do the best I can.

Do I regret cheating? - absolutely yes. This was unforgivable, did incredible damage to my family, my wife in particular, and to myself. Financially, emotionally, spiritually, and whatever else you can imagine. While the marriage was not working, that does not mean I should have done what I did. I just did not communicate what I thought were my needs. Maybe we should have divorced after all, but maybe we should not have gotten married when we did. I don't know. I do know now that I could have and should have "manned up" and talked about it. I just did not.

I have no idea why other men cheat. I have not talked with other cheaters about that.

She seems well, but we do not talk all that often. When we do it is cordial and productive. As I wrote earlier, she is a very good woman. We have grown children and need to talk about them and coordinate things. I hope she is well. We do not bring our adult kids into the conversation about our relationship or what happened. They may well know, but we all have a "healthy" relationship at this point, and I will never say anything about about their mother and I don't think she has ever said anything bad about me. That does not mean this is not hard on them, I know it is. I have no idea if she is in a new relationship. That is none of my business, but I do hope she is doing well.

To the last question, I am still friends with the person. We do not hang out, but we are friends. The friend did not encourage me to do this, I expressed an interest and I was connected with an explanation of where I was. I can't blame the friend and we have not talked about the outcomes in detail. As best I know, none of my other friends who I hung out with regularly were cheaters. One had been divorced and on a second marriage, but I never asked about the details. I have read no studies, but for me, I don't the friends theory applies.

[/quote]

Just to be clear, the marriage may not have been working for you but part of it is how you handled yourself.  Marriage might have been fixed if you were engaged in it.  Again, it's sort of re-writing the history and that is what is pernicious about what you write. I suppose most of the consequences fell on your ex-wife since you wanted out of marriage anyway and your relationship with your children isn't affected.  This is what's most galling in that your mistakes affect your ex-wife the most and you get what you want except for the finances (I bet her standard of living is still lower than yours).  [/quote]

This is a fair question/point. I am not trying to have any subtle, harmful effect in my responses. I am answering. I am not a psychologist, therapist, or social worker. I cheated and can only tell you about what I know. The way I handled myself was more than part of the problem. Both of our relationships with our children are affected, I am sure. I guess the last thing I would say is I did not want out of the marriage, I wanted sex. I went about it the wrong way. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics