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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Re: does my husband know. I disclosed that I had an abortion when I was pregnant with our first child. I did not tell him that I hadn't disclosed it to the boyfriend. He is aware that I have sought therapy in the past and that I went through difficult times related to that relationship. He made me feel like dirt for having an abortion and said that I should have told him before we got married.

I would never disclose to anyone but the anonymous internet how I feel inside, especially now that I have discovered that even the anonymous internet is fairly disgusted with me. I know that I had problems before I met him. I had a difficult childhood - emotionally absent and narcissistic parents (at least this is what the therapists that I worked with said based on reviewing my background). 
[/quote]

See OP there is so much more going on here than this abortion which you say is the big moment of before you and after you.  You grew up with emotionally absent and narcissistic parents so I doubt you had much warmth and love during your childhood.

You are married to a man who made you feel like dirt when you disclosed the fact that you had an abortion and by saying that he said you should have told him before you were married it sounds like he told you to your face that he wouldn't have married you if he knew.  That's so cold, harsh and unloving.  This is so much for someone to have to deal with.

So you look back at this one person who you felt so strongly about and are emphasising that time in your life.  Do you feel that things would be different now more loving if you had stayed with this man.  The thing is that relationship was never going to work out, he told you that.  At some point you have to accept that.

You really need to carve out time to see a therapist now.  You have a career, you have children, you have good things in your life.  You would do better to focus on the things that bring moments of happiness to your life.  If your husband is not nice then work with a therapist to move on and get a healthier life for yourself.  However whats happening now is not because of this one decision in life with the abortion, it's numerous things that over time will wear you down unless you get more help.

And for the record the anonymous internet do not think you are disgusting.  Stop and think about it for a minute.  For the people that are rude to you here they are the disgusting ones, to try to bring someone down when they are hurting, that's disgusting.[/quote]

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