Reply to YouTube Influencer Myka Stauffer "rehomes" adopted son

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have an extremely difficult to parent child with special needs. I would have sympathy for them if they tried everything and were at the end of their rope financially, psychologically, etc. But this child's behaviors don't seem extreme at all. They would have made a video about it for clicks if it was![/quote]

They specifically say in their video that they did not share 95% of the difficulties and behaviors he was having due to wanting to protect his privacy. We assume when people share parts of their life that they are sharing all of it, but that is not the case. There is a lot we don’t know here. No adoption agency agrees to re-home without severe behaviors. This is not done lightly and no one on this thread seems to have a lot of experience with these very extreme situations. Adoption has so many problems that we as a society like to push under the rug. And now you’re seeing it and everyone just wants to condemn this family and act like we have ANY idea what was actually going on - you don’t, I can promise you that. [/quote]

The point is, if you wouldn’t rehome a bio kid for these behaviors, you shouldn’t be allowed to do it with an adopted kid either.

The boy is 4 and he lived in this home for 2 years. Giving him up is tragic.[/quote]

It is tragic. Tragic. But again, it seems to me that most posters do not have experience in this - which of course, I wouldn’t expect you to. But for example, you actually CAN give up your biological child to child protective services, and as sad as this is to hear - some parents do when they do not feel they can keep their child safe. It is not simple and you cannot just relinquish parental rights on request (as of course you should not be able to, and you can’t do this with adoption either, you are legally the parent as much as a bio parent), but they can’t order you to take care of a child that you don’t feel you can keep safe and it moves forward in some cases as a CPS case. These are horrifying situations that leave a lot of broken people in the path (usually the parents are included in this). But my god, these are terrible situations that have so so much more depth than anyone here can imagine. So I would suggest that everyone take a little humility and realize that you don’t know what you’re talking about.

This is a tragedy. Anytime this happens it is a tragedy. But you don’t actually know what happened or what was in the best interests of that child. Making yourself feel like you are some better person because you can post on the internet how terrible they are and how sad you are for this child does not, in fact make you better. Adoption and children’s mental health is incredibly complex, intense, and often not pretty. Let’s give everyone some grace. The parents should be held accountable for stupidly thinking they could be some kind of savior, but they likely aren’t evil. I’ve worked with these families and that jjst isn’t the reality as much as you might want to think it to feel better about yourself. [/quote]

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