Reply to Husband leaves room to talk to MIL

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do you have siblings OP? Do you not do things just with them?

My sisters and I and our mom sometimes have lunch and dinner together no husbands.

Husbands also can their moms and talk privately and visit them without the wives.[/quote]

Yes i have one younger brother. Yes it's one thing having lunch or sinner together but his mom specifically singled me out and is making this a reoccurring every other Friday night thing. This isn't a hey I live far away I havent seen you in a while I wanna catch up just you. This is a explicit let's exclude your wife from a family dinner every other Friday. Didn't she ever stop and think her son may want to be with his wife on friday nights and not leave her? Also Friday night is date night. I feel like a doormat if I just constantly accept this treatment of exclusion. Like okay honey go out again while they all exclude me. To me it feels like they are saying she isn't "real" family so she gets left out. What happens when we have kids? Am I going to be expected to just sit back and be left alone with the kids and no help every other Friday while my husband goes back to his family of origin or will I suddenly be deemed good enough to come because I bore grandchildren for my MIL? [/quote]

If your replies here are an indication of how you behave with them I can see why they don't want you to come.[/quote]

You never answered any of my questions though. What about if we have kids? What about MIL not stopping to think maybe her son doesn't want to leave his wife every other Friday. There is no consideration by mil for my feelings at all. Or maybe I respond like this because they exclude me. C'mon I can't take 100% of the blame here. If I posted as my MIL here I can guarantee the responses would not be supporting me but instead saying you can't expect your son to leave his wife out of family conversations and they are married you can't exclude his wife every other weekend she is his main family
[/quote]

I did answer your question. You sound like a nightmare, and make it difficult for your husband to have a relationship with his family. I suspect that you talk over him and answer for him.

They realize he's in an abusive relationship, but don't know how to deal with it.[/quote]

What do you mean by I talk over him and answer for him? Please explain what you mean. Did you ever think maybe my in laws excluding me is the reason for my behavior? I don't know why all the blame automatically lies on me you aren't there so you can't act like they are 100% innocent while im 100% wrong. Growing up my parents were never left out of family functions with in laws on either side.

I already gave some specific examples of ways his family excludes me. It isn't a one off thing. It is constant. MIL has never invited just me out for a girls day or made me feel welcome like the bday thing for example. This just isn't a normal way for a MIL to make a DIL feel welcome into the family by acting like her family of origin hasn't grown and that her son doesn't have a family of his own. In marriage you leave and cleave and forsake all others. If this was a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship of 2 years then yes it would be out of line to expect this but that is what makes a marriage different than that is you are now family.

Again like I mentioned before somehow I think once my husband and I have children MIL is the type of person who will suddenly want me around because I would have provided her with grandchildren. But I can guarantee one thing if she can't respect and include me now then those grandchildren won't be coming around her.

I refuse to bring my children around toxic people family or not who don't respect me and my role in my husband's life. I am more than an incubator and I'm not going to play the fool. If I'm not good enough to be included in their little family now I'm not good enough once I have children. So really mil is shooting herself in the foot. Seeing grandchildren as far as I'm concerned is a privilege not a right.[/quote]

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