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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I bet OP frequently comes up with reasons to drop by, like the computer cord, which turn into entire evenings spent at Dad’s house.

Dad is probably also annoyed by the clinginess and lack of boundaries, but doesn’t know how to tell OP. Daughter picks up on that and is behaving accordingly.[/quote]

Op here—no, OP doesn’t frequently stop by. Op has young kids and is normally very busy in her own house but with covid, they’re with my exDH for an unexpected week. I actually prefer to not go over for all the reasons cited by other PPs. I’m very respectful of her space and I don’t know how to drill that to you guys.

Her mom only has 30% custody because she doesn’t live in the school boundary and she has a tiny apartment which is why the kids metro over to their dads home-which is their family home.

I very much want to be respectful and understanding but like one PP said, if I’m invited over, I want to be able to come over.  My boyfriend has reached his limits with his daughter because it isn’t like he hasn’t given her time to adjust and it isn’t like he doesn’t give her a lot of his time without me.  He wants to be happy too and that includes me—but obviously he wants his daughter to accept her family isn’t going to be intact.  For what it’s worth, he’s been divorced 7 years but I’m the first woman he’s introduced to his children. [/quote]

The point is that you WANT to frequently stop by, and she knows it.  That's why she's defending her boundary so vigorously.  You want to "operate as a family"-- unclear exactly what that means without moving in together, but it probably means a lot more time with you and your kids, and a lot more compromise.

What does that mean, he's "reached his limits"?  What is he going to do to her if she doesn't start pretending she likes you?  Is he prepared for a long-term alienation from her?  Because that's what would likely happen.

This might not be about her wanting an intact family.  That's just a cliche that divorced people believe because they don't want to acknowledge that their partner isn't welcomed by their children.  She might just not like you (even if that's what she says).[/quote]

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