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[quote=Anonymous]My SIL kind of took a 'break' for a few (about 8) months after my brother got full custody of their kids (12 and 14) and everyone breathed a heavy sigh of relief that she was gone for awhile. They needed that space. Her relationship with the kids had broken down to the point that the kids were pretty much refusing to see her or speak to her and her presence just led to more anger for the kids.

While she was out living her kid free life my brother was able to get the kids into therapy and create a new normal and get them stabilized. The absence of conflict was needed by all. When my SIL eventually came back, they were able to have a fresh start and define the terms of their involvement with her. Over the next few years they rebuilt their relationship with her. The kids are now in their 20s and they have more of an adult friend relationship with their mom. They see her reasonably often but the relationship is pretty superficial and they don't see her as a mother - in the sense that they have never really looked to her or related to her as a mother. She was never nurturing and always put her own needs and wants first and so there is still a distance. One of them has a young child and she is grandma to the child. I tend to think that the overall outcome was better because she did leave for awhile when things were at the worst. [/quote]

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