Reply to Article - The Nuclear Family Was a Mistake

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It seems like this only works if older women are expected to take on more free labor and women have babies younger so their moms can care for them.  No thank you.  Yes life would be great with free childcare, cooking, and cleaning but I would never want my mom burdened with that in the joyous years of her retirement where for the first time ever she can prioritize her own needs and desired. And I’d also never want my still working mil to give up her fulfilling career to wipe bottoms. Why are the older women whose expense this model comes at ignored or just assumed to be so #grateful to still have to spend their time doing domestic labor[/quote]

This is a misguided understanding of what extended family support should look like. My husband and I both work and are expecting our third. We live in a multi-unit house and recently moved my parents into one of the units. We'd never ask for full-time care long term but they are lifesavers for getting through infancy without putting the baby in a daycare.....which results in so much illness. Extended families can help with school drop off and pick up, random elementary days off, sick days and so much more. Granted my parents only have typical flaws, no serious issues thank God, but I can't imagine going back.

Not everyone can do that, but more families should seriously consider it. We live in a society where everything is individual and YOUR problem. As a PP said, the almighty dollar and work yourself to death and shut up about any parental responsibilities. Oh yeah and save enough so when you get laid off at 55 for being too expensive and still have ten years until Medicare eligibility you can buy health insurance! And don't forget to save enough for hundreds of thousands of dollars of college!

Given that none of this is likely to change in our political climate of incipient fascism (yeah I went there), this is a viable way forward.  I'm open to building more units on my lot if those NIMBY restrictions ever change. [/quote]

You are delusional if you think very many people have parents who can/would do this. Count your blessings.[/quote]

Yeah I realize that I'm very very lucky. A large number of boomers are extremely selfish. [/quote]

The fact you think it's selfish for retirees to not want to get you "through infancy without putting the baby in a daycare" kind of says it all.

You aren't entitled to the free labor of others (mostly women).  It's not selfish for others to want to enjoy their hard earned retirement.  You didn't "move" grown, independent adults into your home.  You invited your parents to live with you, and they agreed.

It's a wonderful blessing that you had the experience you did.  It's not selfish for others not to want such an arrangement.[/quote]

Individualistic would have been a better word for me to use, as opposed to selfish. Too judgy on  my part. But I stand by my comment. People should think about keeping family nearby when planning a family. Around where I live, most people have family help of some kind. It's not unusual, at least out here in the suburbs of New England.

And hell yes, I would do the same for my grandchildren. [/quote]

When it was 45 yo raising their 23 yo kids' kids, this was feasible perhaps.  Its not feasible for most 68 year olds to take on a 2 and 4 year old full time.  Making a comparison to what "used" to happen to the realities of ages today (and the 40 years of labor whether at home or in the workforce or both that it took to get to that age) is ridiculous.  A 45 year old can with effort take care of kids on a day to day basis - or cook large meals every day - or clean houses - or whatever large scale labor you want for them.  A 68 year old is damn tired and deserve some fun and a break before they're too old to enjoy it 10 years later.[/quote]

Well, my mom had me when she was 24 and I had my first at 27. I’m a millennial. Hopefully my daughter doesn’t wait until I’m 64 (and she’s 37) to begin having kids. [/quote]

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