Reply to Husband filed taxes separately without me

Forum Index » Money and Finances

Reply to "Husband filed taxes separately without me - what to do?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, here is my advice assuming you want to remain married:

1. You need to see your DH's credit report and his tax statements for the last 3 years. Tell him it's non-negotiable. He's violated your trust and you need to know if he's hiding anything else.

2. Ask him with the cc debt is for-- it's a lot different if it was to pay for food while he was in school vs. spending sprees.

3. If you decide after all of this that his lack of honesty was due to shame vs. serious character flaws, then make an agreement on how you will handle finances going forward.

In a situation like this, it might be better to combine money, check both credit reports periodically, so that you can keep an eye on things...but you absolutely have to trust your DH if you do this. He could ruin your finances and your credit.

Sometimes people are embarrassed-- it doesn't make them terrible. I had 40K in student loans that I didn't confess to my now DH until our relationship was serious. I was so embarrassed, but I was poor and had no other way to pay for grad school.

DH got himself a few "store cards" when he started making a lot of money and developed a little clothes horse habit that was temporary but quite expensive. We had the money, but it was ridiculous--he knew I thought so, and decided not to mention it.

I didn't find out until he had racked up a few thousand. We had a serious conversation, the cards were paid off and went into a drawer. We've been married for 20 years. [/quote]

OP-- also, you need ground rules:

1. $$ over a certain amount each month or pay period is not spent on discretionary items until consulting with each other. Unless you have so much discretionary income that it doesn't matter, you need to agree upon a dollar amount.

2. There should be a weekly budget that you both monitor-- the best way not to feel "controlled" is to use cash. For instance-- lunch at work, use cash vs. mutual feelings of being henpecked and nagged because you went to Chipotle.

3. You should agree on savings goals and review success. This will make you both feel invested vs. feeling resentful. My DH has zero ability to sustain a financial plan without me-- it's okay, his financial foibles are minor. When I show DH how much we're saving, he's pleased and it's a revelation.

4. No one opens a line of credit or a membership without agreeing on it first. Some isn't bad-- Costco, Target, Amazon Prime for instance. Consider paying and closing individual credit cards and opening a joint credit card that you can both monitor. Agree what goes on credit vs. coming out of checking. 
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics