Reply to Husband filed taxes separately without me

Forum Index » Money and Finances

Reply to "Husband filed taxes separately without me - what to do?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Look- everyone is being an alarmist. You are young and at the beginning of your marriage, so there is an easy solution. Combine finances completely so that you are in charge of them. He doesn’t know how to be financially responsible so he is embarrassed, but if he is okay with outsourcing to that’s great! My SIL and brother were similar  and after almost 5 years of marriage they have everything combined and she is in charge and things  are peachy. But don’t trust him to do it! The only thing he should have to do is put you in charge of everything because you know what you are doing. You each bring your own strengths to the marriage. Good luck!

Also- can he amend his tax filing?[/quote]

I agree with this pp that people are being incredibly alarmist and it’s no wonder there are so many divorces since apparently no one is willing to figure out what the root of the issue is here and try to address it. Shame can make people do a lot of bad things, it doesn’t mean you can’t work on it and address the sources of that.

But I warned in my previous post and want to share again that in this type of situation I don’t recommend just joining and then handing all over to you. Both people need to be active participants, you can be the leader, but you need to involve him in decisions and be a partnership. Otherwise it can really backfire in my experience. This seems like the simple solution but it doesn’t give him the ownership to make good decisions and can lead to conflict because it will just feel like you controlling. You have to put in the work to get into be same page together.

Op I know you’re feeling so hurt and betrayed right now as anyone would. I am sharing my advice again that you need to go to couples counseling now to try to figure out the root of these things. This isn’t just about money. It’s about family dynamics, your partnership, how you communicate and feelings of safety for both of you in this relationship. You must address these core issues if you want to move forward together. It can be done, but it is work and just airing out the dirty laundry is not the answer. It takes two to develop these dynamics. I wanted to completely blame my husband and yes, he was in the wrong, but upon work and reflection I realized how I contributed to a dynamic that made him feel inept financially, embarrassed and ashamed. From your posts I highly suspect you have a similar dynamic happening. This is not your fault, your husband is responsible for his choices full stop. That’s not what I’m saying. But relationships are a back and forth and we impact each other. To get to a better place you both have to work together so you BOTH feel safe and can rebuild trust.

Let the shock wear off, dont do anything drastic, and call a few counselors on Monday and work til you find one that is a good fit for you two. Then rebuild your relationship from the ground up. I did it and am in a happy, very mutually respectful relationship now - my husband turned out to be a great dad too. But we also didn’t really have any other big issues, he was a great partner in most other ways. So there is that. Wishing you luck. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics