Reply to Who is considering turning down a middle school magnet spot?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You said your kid got into both programs, yeah? I can't speak for eastern, but my DD's an 8th grader at TPMS. I'll try my best to describe the experience there.
DD is very ambitious. I feel like the social pressure of being around kids who've already taken Geometry at Dr. Li's and have been Blair-bound since birth can be overwhelming sometimes. It's so sad because she's really bright, but she lets kids who are already studying math concepts beyond even a high school level get her down. DH always tells her she should just take initiative and get ahead herself, but I honestly disagree with this. She can't teach herself math- she's tried, and she struggled, even with concepts her own level. She's really stressed about her grades because she doesn't want to be considered an "underachiever" and she's been scared about Blair and RMIB results. Overall, however, despite some added stress from the 'cohort' at her school, I don't it think made her any different than she would have been at her home middle.
She got into Eastern, too, but ended up choosing TPMS because it's the 'better' school. The workload isn't very heavy- in fact, I think non-magnet teachers try to compensate for this mythological 'heavy magnet workload' by giving out way more work than other schools.  But she handles it. Overall she says her non-magnet classes are extremely easy. She pulls good grades in all her classes, and sometimes she struggles in math and science, but otherwise she seems to be doing relatively well. I don't think your child will struggle much in magnet, even if they aren't the best at math. If they were good enough to get accepted, they should be fine.
In terms of the neighborhood kids, most of them seem alright. Some are a little less 'refined', if you will, but DD says they don't pick on magnet kids anyway. I feel like the way non-magnet kids(or nonmags, as my child affectionately refers to them) are discussed on this board, one would think they're vulgar, savage animals that pick on the meek little nerds in the magnet. Are they? No. They're people, just like magnet kids. A lot of them are very bright as well. They just didn't get into the magnet/didn't apply, because maybe it's not their thing. They're not any different from your standard kid at, say, Frost. They're just normal kids. Yes, even the ones from the 'deep hood'. They've all got their little cliques, some are nerds, some hang out with magnet kids, some are in the 'popular' group, some are loners, and they all stay in their own lanes. Some might be disrespectful, but they're respectful enough to keep it within their own group. I know that some magnet and nonmag groups overlap, too. 
Overall, I think there is a fair amount of toxicity within the magnet, but while my daughter is exposed to it in her classes, she chose her friends wisely and ended up with a group of sweet, like-minded kids. She still has a lot of 'decent' friends or borderline acquaintances in both the magnet and neighborhood, and she says that whenever she hangs out with them, despite being in different cliques, they always seem to get along harmoniously.
People overestimate magnet kids. they seem to think that they're all extremely mature geniuses, whereas for the most part, they're just normal kids who got a good test score or do well in school. While there are some uuber-overachievers who come from cram centers like aplus and Dr. Li's, for most kids the magnet is not their only character trait- it's just something that they happen to be, you know? like how it's not 'autistic kids' anymore, but 'kids with autism'. It's not really 'magnet kids', it's more like 'kids in the magnet'. Even the unapproachable and intimidatingly smart kids can be really nice when you get to know them. Yes, even the not-so-humble ones!
As for Eastern, I would assume it's the same for the most part, just with more cockroaches.  :lol: 
The bus ride for DD is an hour and a half each way. Her bus leaves at 6:30 and gets home at 4:30. She says she enjoys her bus ride, but people don't really 'interact' much. for her, it's mostly high schoolers, but she said there are 2 other 8th graders(one from eastern) and one 6th grader, and no one really cares anyway because they're all asleep or on their phones. She does homework and texts friends on the bus, for the most part. I thought it would be a problem, but she gets home around the time after school activities end at her home school, so it's really not that bad. She'd probably get the same amount of sleep if she went to her home school, anyway, with the sleep deprivation epidemic in teens.
I've met all her magnet teachers and they're all very pleasant people. The teachers seem to get better the higher up you go. Unfortunately, both of DD's previous computer science teachers left this year(one of which she said she struggled with, the other I'm surprised hasn't been discussed on this forum at all, given the amount of comical ironic worship of him). I haven't met the new 7th grade teacher yet but the new 6th grade teacher seems amazing compared to her previous 6th grade compsci teacher. The math program is excellent, and I've noticed that they've been doing a lot of enrichment lately, which I love. The science teachers are all amazing and seemingly universally loved. 
Finally, remember, it's still your kid's decision in the long run. You can voice your doubts about the program, but I think they should have the final say in it, since it's their future.
[/quote]

DS was similar academically to your DD. But we had emphasized before he went to TPMS that different kids are different, and a lot of kids in his cohort may be way more advanced academically, and it turned out to be the case. He knew not every kid can be the best at everything, and though he was not in the top 25-30 percentile in that program - the kids who do very well in math contests, science contests, etc. - he had a blast and enjoyed his time. He used to say, whenever we reminded him that he can always attend his home school, that he was actually learning from his friends too!

In an environment intended for advanced learners, you are going to find people who are very advanced learners. How does it matter why they are advanced or what they do to sustain it? Different kids are different when it comes to stamina/drive/etc. DS knew a lot of kids attending outside classes (cty/aops/rsm/etc) but we did not want to add any more academics on top of school work, and he did just fine. If you are getting decent grades in challenging courses, why care what someone else is doing?! The best thing one can do is to ensure that one's own kid feels secure in himself or herself. Why blame others after choosing to be part of a challenging environment?

Also, we found the teachers to be wonderful - they knew there are various levels of students (for example, some who were doing HS or above level math but many doing grade level) in the magnet, and DS had nothing but good things to say about the magnet teachers, except one. (And even in that one exception, DS was only neutral, and this was because of teaching style and not because that teacher had outsized expectations because of some students getting outside enrichment.) The teachers and the coordinator seemed to understand the "social pressure" that you mention. Anyone worried about this "social pressure" should speak with them. They will tell you the program is intended for kids like yours and mine.[/quote]

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