Reply to Focused on the Children - death knell for your Marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes. We have made it a priority to put our marriage first. We have a 4-month-old baby and are going to trying for a second child soon by the first year. We don't neglect him, but we have done things to benefit our marriage - early bedtime, a schedule, sleeping in his own crib, etc. We are all to spend 1-2 hours together most nights and we do a date night every week. We only go probably 2-3 times a month, but we do a date night in with some take out, wine, and a movie. We have sex most nights or every other day. If sex isn't on the table, I almost always give him oral sex. I think it helps that he is a 50/50 partner in parenting and running the household.  [/quote]

Sex every day or so plus oral will keep any man happy. [/quote]

+1. You sound amazing! [/quote]

she sounds like ... a mom to a single 4, easy 4-month old, who may have a different perspective in a few years. [/quote]

Or maybe not.  As a mom you can make your life a lot easier if you sleep train and have your baby on a schedule.  A mom who prioritizes this will most likely also do things to continue having a well run household as their baby gets older.

There are many moms I know who don’t DO things that would make their life easier.  This continues as their kids age.  They don’t create boundaries, wait for ages to potty train, don’t sleep train, allow their husbands not to coparent etc.  [/quote]

PP here. We may have had an easy child but we made ways to make our life easier. We had him on a schedule since two months old and put him in his crib ( his room is 10ft. away) when he started sleeping 5-8 hour stretches at that age. We started an 8pm bedtime and have stuck with that. I think there are ways to make your life easier with a child. I have friends who put their entire life into their child and their husbands sleep on the couch and are that leads to a lonely marriage. It's not just about sex - you have to still be his best friend and connect Onan emotional level. I try to do that. We love our child and will be there for him, but our relationship will be there when he grows up. It's also important to really mirror values and beliefs you want your child to do. A parents relationships is the first a child will ever be exposed to. We want him to see happy and loving partnership. For us that means alone time together and being connected sexually.  [/quote]

yeah, you’ve got it ALL figured out, 4 months in. Congrats. PS I did Ferber at 4 months and it didn’t make my DH into a better partner. [/quote]

PP here. I was a nanny for 10 years prior to having kids. I'm sorry your husband is not a better partner. I think that has nothing to do with you having children though. I think many women don't have the best partners but think the guy will change once they have kids.[/quote]

Ooooh - are you the same mom with the 300k HHI who doesn't want to pay a part-time nanny the full time rate but also doesn't want to do daycare? Yes, you have it all figured out![/quote]

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