Reply to Focused on the Children - death knell for your Marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have watched too many friends fall into the role of Mommy. They put all of their energy into their kids. They will complain they are too tired for date night but then have let their six year old dictate that they want ice skating lessons at 6 am.  Or they won’t hire a sitter because the kids don’t like sitters.  It’s like they put their relationships with their husbands on ice and the kids always come first. Or they let their kids crawl into bed with them every night or sleep in their kids’ rooms.  I am not saying kids should be neglected but they don’t need 3 or 4 activities or inconvenient ones and too bad if they don’t like sitters and they can sleep in their own beds. In particular, I have 3 friends all divorced in the last 2 years who fell into this child-centric role.   [b]Their husbands didn’t have much say in the kids’ lives[/b] and we’re definitely at the bottom of the pecking order of priorities.  They now contemplate what happened to their marriages and while one admits the dynamic changed with kids, another blames her DH for his affair and the third is just mad her DH didn’t stick it out.  I keep my mouth shut but I really think their hyper focus on the kids was a major contributor.[/quote]

How much weight of the child rearing did they carry?

I've seen this far too many times.  The dad sits back during the infancy/toddler years, then only speaks up when it's convenient later on.  If the dad's did not go into the parenting role as a full on 50/50 partner from the beginning and then criticizes the decisions the wife makes regarding the kid, then of course there would be resentment.

OP, this happens when as you say, there is a priority on the kids.  But this imbalance occurs because they're not both in it 50/50 from the get go, the mom makes up for the dad's lack of energy, then gets blamed for focusing too much energy on her kids.

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