Reply to Why do so many on DCUM have in law problems?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t have any in law problems. They have some in law problems with me - mostly because they think I should compensate for DH (re: calling more, thank you notes etc) which I’m not going to do because A) he should do it and B) it feels like a betrayal to him which is trauma they all cooked up together when they had an acrimonious divorce. I’ve long since decided never to adjudicate any of that and just to be 100% in my DH’s corner because that’s what he deserved then and didn’t get. [/quote]

This, to a degree. Not the same scenario but:

IMO it is often that the ILs have a problem with the DIL early on (often disapprove of the marriage or the woman their son has chosen- for whatever reason) and make it known. Then they are surprised when this  effects their relationship with their son and grandchildren. If this is addressed early on in the marriage it is often recoverable but the longer it goes on, the more tension there is. They don’t seem to think ahead.

I cringe when I see questions like “should I tell my brother we have concerns about his fiancé?” Etc. No good will come of that, pretty much ever. Also men are foolish and 9 times out 10 they will tell their fiancé/wife exactly what was said. Sets up a very bad scenario from the beginning. Then the ILs are shocked, just shocked, that son and DIL aren’t as close to them as they would like[/b]. [/quote][b]

+1.  My MIL made several unfortunate remarks to DH about me and my family when we were dating and in the early years of our marriage. It made me distrust her overtures to me later when our children were born. I will never make that mistake with my children’s SOs. [/quote]

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