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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Last para above. [/quote]

Nope.

I'm out. Finito. Dropping the rope. [/quote]

Didn't get the sympathy you were looking for, huh?[/quote]

No, that’s not the issue.

It’s simply that this exchange has made me realize that I’m not cut out for this. I don’t enjoy even the peripheral role I play in parenting these kids, and I really don’t enjoy having to navigate the murky waters that are a part of this situation.

I love my DH to bits - but I can’t find that same level of love for his kids. I know I’ll get beat to a pulp for saying that, but it’s the truth. Despite what folks seem to think, I really did try my best for the past few years and, unfortunately, think it’s time to admit that I’ve failed. [/quote]

OP I've been one of the posters who is hard on you here ... but guess what, this is the BEST post you have made!  It's TOTALLY OK! that you don't love his kids! You don't have to love his kids!

As a former step-kid and a soon-to-be-divorced mom who is contemplated possible stepparents in my child's future, here is what I think the role of a stepmother is:

- Create a welcoming space for the kids 
- Support their biological parent in parenting them

That's it.  You don't have to love them. Or even like them that much.  [/quote]

Thanks for chiming in with this.

Here's the sticking point for me: you and another pp are saying it's ok to not like these kids - but how in the world does one create a welcoming space for people they don't like?

I get that we all have to do it, in various parts of our life. But in our/their own home, which should be a place where you can be yourself (everyone, not just me)? Maybe I'm being obtuse, but I don't see how that works. Yes, I am the adult, so I should be able to deal - breathe, remove myself from the room, address things with DH - but it's flipping exhausting.

Here's an example. One SC took some of my things. Out of my/DH's room. It was very, very apparent that the items were mine, that I was not asked, and that there was no permission given for them to be taken or used. I was shocked, hurt, and angry. And yet, I can say hi, and bye, and have a general conversation with this one.

The other one? Barely acknowledges me, and I barely feel like acknowledging them. It's just tense and disconnected, and has been for a while. Our personalities just grate on each other.

It's all horribly awkward, and I'm sure we're all tired of it.  
[/quote]

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