Reply to Friend’s 8 year old is awful to my 4 year old

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So you expect a 3rd grader and your preschooler (with some disabilities) to be buddies and play harmoniously together for several hours while parents are off socializing?

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[b]Of course I do.[/b] Have you never been to someone else’s home where the multi age kids go off to another room and watch a movie? Or go to someone’s playroom to check out the toys? in this most recent case they were watching a movie and I 1000 percent expect older children to not antagonize him.  [/quote]

NP- for HOURS?  Wow. Your expectations are crazy.[/quote]

Yeah. An 8 year old and a SN 4 year old? That’s not realistic for the vast, vast majority of kids. The multi age kids hang works when there are a bunch of kids spanning a range of ages (and even then, it doesn’t always work with a 4 year old). This sounds like an 8 year old is expected to entertain a 4 year old who has difficulty processing language so likely plays younger for HOURS and repeatedly. It doesn’t sound like she’s the worlds nicest kid, but she is entirely normal and definitely being set up for failure. The fact that it doesn’t happen at the playground where she can get separation is very telling. She’d rather not play with the 4 year old than be mean, she’s just not up to playing nicely yet. The fact her older brother can manage may be temperament, but it may also be that he is older (being nice to younger kids is a learned skill) and there are actually lower expectations on him) probably no one expects him to play with a 4 year old for hours/his type of play (phone/electronics?) isn’t interrupted by a 4 year old. An 8 year old not wanting to sit next to a 4 year old during dinner is normal. This is *finally* her chance to interact with adults. The fact the table is being set up for them to sit next to each other — despite the OP’s awareness of mean behavior — is incredibly telling about what OP/the other parents expect and that the adult socializing is the priority.[/quote]

Wow, some parents on this thread have really low expectations as to what constitutes civil behavior.  I have an 8 year old who isn’t no means a well behaved angel but even he knows that if he insulted a younger special needs child by saying he didn’t want to sit next to “the baby” in front of other people that he would be punished until 2022.[/quote]

I don’t know... This behavior sounds terrible if this was the first or second occasion these kids were meeting, but this is clearly the product of many many hangouts. I think the 8 year old — who may also be a brat and whose parents are also in the middle of a nasty divorce — is sick of being expected to babysit or hang out with OP’s son and this is a culmination of that. Ask yourself: Why is she fine at the playground? Because she can get away. Why is she sitting next to the 4 year old in the first place if she behaves like this? Either OP’s kid likes her notwithstanding OP’s feelings or the table was set up that way because OP wants to socialize/wants babysitting. Yes, you should correct an 8 year old who speaks like that... but she’s only 8. [/quote]

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