Reply to Neighbors/friends taking advantage of us/our nannies

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. DH actually works from home, so he's home quite a bit with the kids, even with the nannies there. He travels every week, but only for a day or two, he just doesn't have a set schedule. So the kids are not neglected in any way.

I have a 6yo and a 2yo, and the other family has a 6 yo and 3 yo. I think at times the nannies do feel like there is less pressure on them with 4 kids, the kids enjoy having playmates. I didn't mind so much when the kids were playing outside, but now that it's cold, it's much more apparent that the nannies are being taken advantage of. One of their kids goes to my daughter's school and we had agreed to let the nanny pick her up, but then they didn't want to buy an extra car seat for their kid, (the school is in walking distance, but my son's daycare is not), so they expected our nanny to pick up our son how?

It all feels very strange and very much that they're taking advantage of all us and the nannies.[/quote]

It sounds like they're clueless and you're not reacting properly:

What happens when the kids all go to their house, not yours? Does the nanny go with them, or does the other parent supervise? If all playdates are at your house and the other parent does not come, then you need to send them to the other house. "Today, you're all going to the neighbors' house. Let me text Betsy so she knows you're coming."

For pick-up, of course they didn't want to buy a car seat, it's not their kid who needs the car. They didn't think the timing was such that there would be an issue. You say: "Sorry, we don't have another car seat for your kid, so it won't work because we need to drive."

You really must understand that you need to communicate better. People can't guess what's happening if you don't speak up.
[/quote]

OP here, and I'm confused by what you mean. When my kids go to their house, our nanny goes. The parents often just go to another room to continue answering emails or doing other tasks. 
As far as their car seat. They know this is our nanny - In order to get my son home from day care, the nanny has to drive to pick up my son and to get to the older kids on time she has to go straight from daycare, so she needs carseats. I had to explain this to them multiple times. I'm not giving them a car seat for their child. [/quote]

You are confused?

1. The nanny sends your 6 year old to play at the neighbor's house (you're OK with that, right?). Nanny stays home looking after your toddler, who obviously cannot be sent without nanny. Occasionally, if feeling up to it, the nanny may go with the toddler. As a special treat.
2. When the neighbor kids come over, Nanny keeps the playdate SHORT. One hour max, then walks them home (because of the little one). The nanny may say NO, NOT TODAY, when the neighbor kids show up at the door, when she doesn't feel up to it. I've done that many times.
3. You say no to the driving thing, unless you actually do have an extra, age, height and weight-appropriate car seat, in which case, you could use it for the neighbor's kid... but perhaps your spare car seat is expired, or not the correct one for the child, hmm...????
4. Obviously they have to check with you first before hiring the nanny.

There really is nothing to be confused about. It's all about asserting oneself and creating boundaries.

[/quote]

#4...???  They have to check with OP before hiring an adult?  No, that is not how real life works, now that we aren’t legally allowed to own humans. [/quote]

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