Reply to Wife always using being an “introvert” as an excuse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I expected my spouse to fit in/get along with my family, and he expected likewise of me. That was one of the most important factors tbh.

I wouldn't give someone 10 years worth of chances, though. If it's not working in the first year, it ain't gonna get better.

This is bigger than getting along with the in-laws, though. OP's DW apparently can't get along with people at work, either. That speaks of a larger personality or some type of disorder, for which she won't even acknowledge or get help for. Basically telling OP you have to live with the restrictions that come with a spouse who is negative and cold to other people. That's not healthy for her or their kid, and not fair to ask the OP to live like that.[/quote]

Stop it.  It is not a personality disorder.  It is not something she needs to get help for.  OP knew that she was this way when he met her, dated her and married her.  If this was an expectation of his, he should have been forthright about it before they got married.  He just expected her to "grow" as a person and change.  The same advice applies to OP as applied to wives in the 1950's, 60's and 70's.  Like the song in "Guys and Dolls" too many women went into marriage with the attitude of marry the man today, and change his ways tomorrow.  But you can't do that.  A person doesn't change unless they want to, not because you want them to.  You talk to them about what you want and they have to decide whether they want to make the change and keep the relationship or not make the change and leave the relationship.  But that is their choice, not yours.

OP made a mistake by not communicating with his wife before they got married.  He had an expectation of her that he never told her and now is disappointed that she didn't meet his expectations.  She probably feels like he pulled a bait and switch.  He was happy with her reclusive introverted personality when they were dating, but has spent their marriage trying to change her.  She was happy with the status quo.  He wasn't, but didn't tell her.  Now he's upset and making her miserable.

And FYI, I'm the extroverted partner and I still see and understand her position.  But then, we talked about this dynamic and how we would handle it and what we each needed from each other before we got married.[/quote]
If it's not a disorder (which I don't know how you could possibly rule out without getting screened by a medical professional), then why does she get a pass to act bitchy to the people around her? At work, in public, and at home? If I were her, I would be seriously alarmed to learn that my bad attitude was interfering with my personal and professional life to such an extent.

The OP is frustrated and probably not helping the situation, but her part of this is not to throw her hands up and say 'too bad you married an introvert' and call it a day. That's not how marriage works. It sounds like she won't even take the small step to get herself evaluated.[/quote]

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