Reply to Does the Husband backing off and giving space help

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Didn’t work for us. 
I was the wife who didn’t want sex.
[b]When I started sort of coming around, he became a d-ck[/b] and later left. 
I still don’t know who is to blame. I couldn’t give him more than the checkbox sex, he probably didn’t want anything after a few years like that. 
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I used to frequent the forums at Married Man Sex Life when they were still a thing and becoming angry when things started to get better was pretty common and was surprising to me. My take is that it's not just about sex, but in any situation where you have a lot of resentment built up, it can kind of sit behind a wall as long as the status quo is maintained. But, when things shift, that resentment can just kind of come flooding out -- even if the shift is in a direction that ought to help resolve the cause of the resentment.

In the case of sex, when it starts to get better, I think the resentful spouse experiences a combination of "if you can do this now, you could have been doing it for all the years I've been hurting" along with "this isn't real or sustainable, it's is just going to hurt that much more when the sex goes away again."

[/quote]

Interesting take!
I haven’t thought about the reasons to be honest, I felt like I’ve tried and was still never good enough, so in a way I was happy when he left (though scared as well).

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