Reply to Vent about my sister just being a jerk

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, for what it's worth, I understand where you are coming from.   There are lots of opinions on this site, most who point fingers at you, but I'll give you a different perspective because I have a similar situation with my sister.  Lest I be accused of "projecting" let me plead guilty right away, simply because we look at situations based on our own life experiences.

By your description it sounds like your sister has a healthy case of self-interest.  The fact you said she never calls you, and when you call her (regularly) all she does is talk about herself.  The fact that your father reached out to get to know her DH and she rebuffed him.  The fact she "communicated" with you by sending bare-bones flight information with no further explanation.  The fact she has zero interest in spending time with any of you even after your father had a serious health scare.

These are indicators (and I'm sure you've got many more) of a person whose focus is primarily on themselves.  She is who she is.  She will not change.  My sister has similar actions and personality traits.  She absolutely will NOT call anyone else in the family but expects us to call her.  When we do call her the entire conversation is one-sided about her life, her activities, etc. and she will never ask about nor listen to anyone else.  However, she will dramatize and sadly make it a point to tell others about how she "never hears" from her family as though we've abandoned her.

Once I heard this, it was a turning point for me.  Since I know the FACTS are that we all called her regularly.  It's almost as if she expected us to grovel and beg for a connection with her, and she was not required to do anything reciprocal to keep the relationships going.   The only problem is we are all tired of groveling.   Likewise, your sister's rudely abrupt way of "communicating" that she's not coming smacks of someone who wants everyone to call her up and beg her to come and spend the holidays.  [b]Don't do it - you are better off without her.[/b]

Not knowing the facts of the health scare but based on his request to all spend the holidays together I am wondering if your parents may know more about the seriousness of his health condition than they are saying.  If I were you, I'd plan on a wonderful holiday time together with him.  Forget about your sister and don't even bother playing her narcissistic games.  Enjoy every minute with your parents no matter how imperfect and annoying they are.

All I can say from experience is that once your parents die, it's amazing how your perspective changes.  I'd give anything to have both of mine back for 5 minutes.

[/quote]

Based on your post, it is apparent that the same is true for her as well.  [/quote]

OP here. Why are you attacking this person?

Yes, my sister has always been extremely selfish. My dad's health scare amounted to him almost dying and needing emergency surgery. He just had a follow up and simply isn't recovering as quickly as the doctors hoped, so while I originally thought he might be ok, that might not actually be the case.

He keeps telling me everything will be fine, but then I talk to my mom and she says nothing is fine. I'm not quite sure who to believe, but my mom is sick with worry.

Anyway, I'm not quite sure where all the anger is coming from towards me, and also this poster who seems to have a similar situation. Again, I haven't once pressured her to spend time with anyone. I haven't even responded to her email -- and my parents haven't either. My dad talked to me today and just said, "Well, she has her reasons for doing what she does. Nothing we can do about it." [/quote]

OP, the reason you're being "attacked" (and you're not, you've just been offered a contrary point-of-view) is because anyone who's been scapegoated sees the dynamic that could be going on here. No one here knows you. I say "could." No one knows for sure. However, I can say...based on your most recent post above...you shouldn't be discussing your sister with your parents. You obviously are based on the quote from your dad. This doesn't just come from a random comment...his statement was a retort from you bringing this up with him and trying to discuss her behavior. You are not blameless here. Sorry.[/quote]

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