Reply to Vent about my sister just being a jerk

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, for what it's worth, I understand where you are coming from.   There are lots of opinions on this site, most who point fingers at you, but I'll give you a different perspective because I have a similar situation with my sister.  Lest I be accused of "projecting" let me plead guilty right away, simply because we look at situations based on our own life experiences.

By your description it sounds like your sister has a healthy case of self-interest.  The fact you said she never calls you, and when you call her (regularly) all she does is talk about herself.  The fact that your father reached out to get to know her DH and she rebuffed him.  The fact she "communicated" with you by sending bare-bones flight information with no further explanation.  The fact she has zero interest in spending time with any of you even after your father had a serious health scare.

These are indicators (and I'm sure you've got many more) of a person whose focus is primarily on themselves.  She is who she is.  She will not change.  My sister has similar actions and personality traits.  She absolutely will NOT call anyone else in the family but expects us to call her.  When we do call her the entire conversation is one-sided about her life, her activities, etc. and she will never ask about nor listen to anyone else.  However, she will dramatize and sadly make it a point to tell others about how she "never hears" from her family as though we've abandoned her.

Once I heard this, it was a turning point for me.  Since I know the FACTS are that we all called her regularly.  It's almost as if she expected us to grovel and beg for a connection with her, and she was not required to do anything reciprocal to keep the relationships going.   The only problem is we are all tired of groveling.   Likewise, your sister's rudely abrupt way of "communicating" that she's not coming smacks of someone who wants everyone to call her up and beg her to come and spend the holidays.  [b]Don't do it - you are better off without her.[/b]

Not knowing the facts of the health scare but based on his request to all spend the holidays together I am wondering if your parents may know more about the seriousness of his health condition than they are saying.  If I were you, I'd plan on a wonderful holiday time together with him.  Forget about your sister and don't even bother playing her narcissistic games.  Enjoy every minute with your parents no matter how imperfect and annoying they are.

All I can say from experience is that once your parents die, it's amazing how your perspective changes.  I'd give anything to have both of mine back for 5 minutes.

[/quote]

Based on your post, it is apparent that the same is true for her as well.  [/quote]

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