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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Moved to Florida for SO and now I'm miserable "
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[quote=Anonymous]For all of you who are getting all Hatfield and McCoy about whether OP is right or wrong about Florida, you're missing the point. People like different things and it is perfectly fine to like or not like Florida. Whether you like or dislike Florida says nothing about you as a person. For those criticizing OP (especially little Miss chip-on-the-shoulder "only boriing people get bored"), that's like saying that people who like black clothes are boring because they don't like a happy color. It's an opinion based on what you appreciate in life. The pros to living in Florida do not appeal to OP and the cons disappoint or depress her. My parents moved to Florida in 1983 when I graduated high school. Dad's work moved him there and he retired in 1992. They love it there. The moved after spending 35 years in Pittsburgh. And while they loved the friends and life they had in Pittsburgh, they really loved the weather and more relaxed lifestyle in Orlando. It took them a few years to get the friend network that they had in Pittsburgh, but it is to be expected. You don't replace a friend network of over 30 years in just a couple of years. After 10 years, they couldn't imagine living anywhere else. On the other hand, they have been trying to get me to move there since the 1980's. I love to visit my parents and I love our vacations down there. But you couldn't pay me to live down there. The weather is abysmal. Many of the activities that I enjoy the most that I can do any day of the week up in the DC area exist at most weekly down there. I can find things to do and do while I am there, but it would require me to make changes to my life and preferences to adapt. I have spent two six month periods living down there and it it required me to adapt. I can, but it the changes were not the way I want to live long-term. It was fine for short term, but I was definitely happy to return north. And nothing wrong with that. It's what you like to do. Not the type of compromise I want to make long-term for my life, like when you agree to move with a partner and they want to set down roots where you aren't happy. OP, you need to find some sort of compromise with your partner. Talk to him about a deadline, you'll spend X years in Florida and if you still don't like it, you'll plan to move back north with or without him. But give it a reasonable number of years, something like 5-8 years. First, it will be easier for you, if you have a light at the end of the tunnel to focus on. One of the more oppressive things about being in a situation that you don't enjoy is when you see no chance to escape from an environment that depresses. It can feel much more overwhelming when there is no end in sight. Having a known endpoint can help you tolerate a depressing situation longer. Additionally, it gives him something to work towards. As you approach your end date and he sees your resolve, he gets to reevaluate whether the relationship is more important or the life that he's built. If he finds the relationship important, he'll look for ways to compromise. One way is to possibly find a city that is further north that may have some of the perks that you like (perhaps a city with a more urban feel rather than a more suburban feel, which most of southern Floriday has), but still is driveable to his family and still has some of the advantages for him of Florida. It would help if you can both identify the key features of what you want in a locale and then try to find someplace that fits as many of the important criteria for each of you. Good luck.[/quote]
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