Reply to How to kindly turn down hocom ask?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"No thanks."  She doesn't owe him a reason why. If she wants, she can (quietly, so as not to embarrass him) say "I don't think we like each other in the same way."

But "No" is actually a complete sentence.[/quote]

There are some really nasty people on these boards. I don’t think that’s a nice way to let someone down. Don’t you want to raise your kids to be kind?[/quote]
+1 mom of 0 boys and 2 DDs

in real life, I don't think I've ever been in a conversation where someone has said "No." and that's it.  What do you do next, stare at each other?  If this PP actually has actually followed her own advice, I doubt she has many friends.  "No is a complete sentence" is just BS.  I do get the intent of the PP. But having the *right* to say no doesn't mean you shove it in some poor boy's face.

I think she should say something like, "Larlo, thank you for asking me.  I was already planning to go with Jack, but we hadn't added up so I had to go figure it out.  So I just wanted to thank you and let you know.  I know it's awkward but I appreciate your asking me."

(so just verbalizing the awkwardness makes it much better between the two of them)

By the way, OP, that your DD said "I'll think about it" when caught off-guard like that is a skill that is hard to learn (because when caught off guard, one's brain tends to not work well.)  I'm impressed that she said this![/quote]

Way too long-winded and he doesn't need to know who she would have preferred to go with. A simple, "Thank you for asking me, but I won't be able to go with you" is enough. If he asks why, then she can say "I don't think we like each other the same way."[/quote]

Disagree because it's smart for her say who she is going with, because "Jack" also asked her and she is going with him.  So saying this is a little awkward, but it avoids the bigger awkward moment for both of these kids when "Larlo" sees her at the dance with Jack.  Larlo will already know and won't be surprised, and she won't be worried about what Larlo will do when he sees her with Jack.  It just makes the homecoming night involve less surprises.

It's just easing the situation.[/quote]

She is not responsible for the surprise of Larlo.[/quote]
OMG you are so insufferable.  No one said she was *responsible* for the surprise of Larlo.  No one said she MUST do any of these things.  But if she does these things, she is helping control the situation.  Helping to make it go better--for HER.  It's self-serving in a healthy way, AND as a bonus, it's a nice thing to do for the boy's sake.  You act like this boy is an aggressor or adversary.  He likes her, that is no crime.  And maybe, just maybe, PP, he likes her because she is NICE which is more than can be said for you.  You are so wrapped up in the rights argument you don't see either the argument to be kind to others, or the argument to help make the situation better for her.  You are actually arguing that she say "no," then be passive! You are arguing she *should* be passive because she has a right to be passive.

I say take control and get everyone on the same page.  Name the elephant in the room and it goes away.[/quote]

Well said!  There are some here (or maybe just one a$$hole) who are hellbent in turning this into some sort of antagonistic situation when it should be anything but.  The girl (or whomever is being invited) has the opportunity to make this as painless as possible for the person doing the asking.  Any good parent would want their child to know how to be friendly and kind when declining an invitation.  There’s no need to be an abrupt, rude jerk, even if their parent is one.[/quote]

Are you seriously suggesting that telling this boy that he was back up if things didn’t work out with Jack is kinder and more socially adept than “no thanks”?[/quote]

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