Reply to Daughter's Behavior Toward Parent/Family and Attitude vs Gratitude

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]I am the Op...[/b]

[quote=Anonymous]OP- you are fine.  You are doing the best you can.
She is 17, almost 18, almost an adult.

Sit her down and say,
"Honey, I love you and am proud of you.  You have accomplished a lot and I'm sure will get into a great college.  
College is expensive. Mom and I will help pay for half of it.  You will be an adult soon.  You have responsibility to pay for the other half, which will require taking out loans and getting a part-time job, probably starting now to start saving up.  It will be a big responsibility, but it's part of becoming an adult and I know you can handle it."

Once she starts taking on some adult responsibilities, the gratitude will follow as she begins to understand all you've given her.[/quote]

Thanks for this, it makes sense.  Although, I don't think the "mom and I" part will be possible or is a good idea.  It has become clear to me that, while we are civil and generally get along, my ex cannot be trusted when it comes to money.  Her attitude is: "My contribution too college is how little I make and that have no money, so that will generate the highest possible aid package".  Meh...

I have a feeling I can meet the EFC for the top Ivy in the nation.  It will be difficult, but I'm willing to do it for a kid who treats me decently.  Again, I would have the same position if I had Bill Gates' money.  I found an interesting post on another forum and will include it below.  I'd be interested in everyone's thoughts.  Thanks again![/quote]

Was there an agreement in the divorce about college?  My guess is that they will get a mostly full scholarship based off mom and aren't including you on the application which is why they don't want to include you in any of the college planning.  They want a blank check so mom can replace child support and claim she is paying when she isn't.  That's what happened with my husband's ex.  Make it clear that the behavior will discontinue, that you will be involved and review all the paperwork submitted and the Dad scholarship will be available for good behavior, ongoing relationship and define it, good grades (with proof), etc.  If she fails to comply, she can take loans or get a job and you can help pay back the loans if the behavior toward you changes.

Mom is probably setting child up to behave this way, especially if child support is ending.[/quote]

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