Reply to Forcing Adopted Asian Child to have Bat Mitzvah when Child Does not Want It

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Reply to "Forcing Adopted Asian Child to have Bat Mitzvah when Child Does not Want It"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I can never understand why parents need their children to follow the same religion as them. Or even follow religion at all. It just breeds resentment to be harassed into learning prayers and going to places you have no interest in. If a child wants to enter a religion out of their own interest, then That is fine. If a child wants to be an atheist, that should also be fine. More often than not, I think this whole “my child needs to practise my religion” business is very much based on the parents’ need to keep appearances in the community. It’s fake and disingenuous while also psychologically damaging to the poor kid who didn’t choose that belief system to begin with[/quote]
I'm an atheist, but it seems to me that[b] if you believe your religion is the way to get to heaven, you'd want your child to follow it. [/b]Or if you've gotten peace and comfort from following your religion, you'd want your child to have that, too.  [/quote]
DP. Judaism doesn’t work like that, but for other religions that could certainly be true.

Judaism has a strong belief in education and learning about the world around you. For many parents, that means not only the secular education their children get in school, but also the education of our culture and religion. A bar or bat mitzvah is the culmination of that childhood learning, and an entry point into adult education.

It’s hard for a person to choose this education on their own as an adult if there isn’t a background or a foundation. [/quote]

This plus it's not just religion, it's culture and values. What, the parents are going to go to synagogue and leave the kids home? Doesn't work like that.

If a child truly has no interest as they get older then they can make that choice. After receiving an education that will let them function in their community should they choose to. If they choose not to, fine, but at least they'll have the skills. Do you not make your kids learn to read, write, and do math, even when they whine about those things being boring? [/quote]

[b]It's not a fair comparison. Academic skills have value while religiosity doesn't.[/b] The worst hypocrites always tend to be the Bible or Koran thumpers. I wasn't raised in any religion but my family is historically from Indonesia and my mom identifies as Muslim. She wasn't really religious until I was in my late teens, but her own religious awakening wasn't just about her- it was about ME. I would get cornered at home with "Why don't you believe?" "Recite these prayers" "One day, God will show you"...it was awful and proved to me that organized religion was really about control. Granted, my mom has some mental issues and I'm wondering if there's some self-selection involved given that she's possibly borderline without any strong sense of self except being "a moderate Muslim". This whole religious nonsense with her continues to take form in emotional blackmail and guilting whenever I visit home and I am so tired of deflecting her requests to join her at some prayers hall or see her religious leader friends. Sorry for the rant but I agree with OP and think many people underestimate how awful it is to have something like religion foisted on you by family, and so I'm glad OP that you are thinking of your niece. [/quote]

[b]Religiosity absolutely has values. In my kids' (Jewish) Sunday School, they learn and discuss the ten commandments, for example. Discussing why we should not murder or spread gossip are valuable lessons. They learn to give to the less fortunate in the community - collecting coins each week and deciding on a charity to donate to. Doing charitable acts is an important part of the Jewish religion. In addition to the values of the religion, they learn the traditions and history of their ancestors. When I was in secular school and learned about World War 2, I had already learned at synagogue how my ancestors were affected by it. In Judaism, we are also taught to think - read a biblical passage, for example and then think critically about what the passage is saying. You are also encouraged to debate and back up why you think it says what it says. You are not forced to believe, but encouraged to question, formulate your own ideas and understanding, debate it with classmates and grow and learn from others.

I can only speak for Judaism, but it has academic values and emotional values as well as spiritual values. I'm sure other religions have similar values. Teaching your child your religion is no different than teaching them academic information, teaching them your views on various topics, living out your values, etc. No child in any family - religious or not - is going to be a replica of their parents. But all good parents teach their children what is important to them - what they think they should know for when they become an adult. For me, that involves bringing my children - both biological and adopted - to Sunday School and synagogue. I hope they use the valuable lessons they learn there - to think for themselves, to challenge, debate, to have confidence, and to have pride in who they are - later in life.

[/quote][/b]

great post[/quote]

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