Reply to Forcing Adopted Asian Child to have Bat Mitzvah when Child Does not Want It

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Reply to "Forcing Adopted Asian Child to have Bat Mitzvah when Child Does not Want It"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. Got a few ideas from this thread. She is very unhappy and she contacted me again and my daughter. This is escalating quickly.

The good news is my brother and SIL are looking into counseling and are rethinking things and allowing her to explore her heritage more. She is struggling in school too so they understand pushing Bat Mitzvah tutoring is adding to the stress. I am glad they both are open to listening to her more and they do truly care.My brother's whole tone has changed and is he feels bad that things have gotten to this point.

Feel free to continue the discussion if you like. I probably won't be popping in much more.[/quote]

There sounds a lot more to this and it doesn't sound like this is a culture or heritage issue but an academic issue if she is struggling at school and tutoring.  She's overwhelmed academically and that has nothing to do with a Bat Mitzvah.  Instead of counseling they should do academic testing and address the real problem.  If she's struggling that much, she may need academic tutors or easier classes.  It sounds liked they have done a lot to keep up her culture.  At that age its normal to question your identity but that doesn't sound like this is the situation and it sounds like its an academic issue.[/quote]

OP here. Did want to address this too as it may help other families. She has been tested and does have intervention. As they became more serious about the Bat Mitzvah, they stopped with the Chinese cultural activities and she did not like that. It's complicated, but she is a great young lady who has been advocating for herself. I truly believe they are doing the right thing getting family counseling with someone sensitive to adoption issues and cultural diversity. I am not a fan of forcing something on a child that is not crucial to their development.[/quote]

You really aren't in the adoption community or get it.  It sounds like she needs more interventions and your post was clear she's struggling with the learning/academic part of it, which is very hard for some kids.  If she wants to do more cultural stuff, thats fine but its pretty typical at that age families stop and kids show less interest as they don't want to be different.  Many kids rebel against Chinese or other schools for culture.  If its important to her, she needs to ask her parents to continue it but she'll have the same issues at Chinese school as Hebrew school if she has learning disabilities.  This has nothing to do with adoption.  This has to do with religion and most religion is forced on kids who then become parents and force it on their kids.  I don't agree with it but that's what parents do.[/quote]

Let me guess...your role in “the adoption community” is an adoptive parent, right?  This IS about adoption.  Her parents dropped her classes in her own culture in favor of the Bat Mitzvah they are forcing on her.   You have no sense of the perspective of an adopted person, but are looking for excuses to deflect from the adoption issue.
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