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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So we have multiple children of divorce sharing stories of their vindictive mothers and how the world isn’t quite black and white, and they’re getting shamed and talked down to like they couldn’t possibly know their own experience. Amazing. [/quote]

So a bunch of adults that were damaged as children by their father's infidelity are trying to give advice on how to raise kids... not exactly the well I want to get my water from. [/quote]

That’s nasty. There are some really, really scorned spouses here. I wish you all peace. [/quote]

It's not nasty. You are going to tell people how to parent their children when your whole upbringing was a disaster?[/quote]

(wondering why I waste time arguing with people on anonymous boards, but here goes):

NP here, I promise you I am very successful.  My upbringing wasn't a disaster, it had it's challenges, as all divorces do, we made the best we could and I was caught up in a lot of my own teenage drama I blocked out a lot of my mom's rage at my dad.  I didn't grow up in a war zone but sure it wasn't all roses.  People with intact families have their own scars.

Point being, when I got old enough to make my own choices, I decided being around my bitter mom was only tolerable in doses.  I am her child, not her therapist.  I love my dad too, he is imperfect but he also tries in his own way.  Part of growing up is seeing your parents as the flawed people we all are.

I hope you find peace.[/quote]

I'm glad you found peace in a situation with 2 toxic parents. It does not make your dad less toxic, it's just the only thing you know now. and you live with it.

Loving a parent and thinking you have to spend time with them just because they are your parent is different, as you have figure out... because you limit your time with you mom.

OP's children will limit their time with their dad... it's normal, it's healthy, she should not discourage it. It toxic to think you have to spend time with a parent just because they are your parent. The kdis see their dad's mistakes and learn from them instead of brushing them under a rug.

Also, sadly, I don't think you ever understood how your life could have been if your father acted like an adult.. got therapy and worked through the marital issues... you might actually have 2 happy and healthy parents and an intact extended family. That is on your dad whether you realize it or not.

Sometimes it's just better to not think about it, because it's too hard to stomach. [/quote]

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