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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So we have multiple children of divorce sharing stories of their vindictive mothers and how the world isn’t quite black and white, and they’re getting shamed and talked down to like they couldn’t possibly know their own experience. Amazing. [/quote]

So a bunch of adults that were damaged as children by their father's infidelity are trying to give advice on how to raise kids... not exactly the well I want to get my water from. [/quote]

That’s nasty. There are some really, really scorned spouses here. I wish you all peace. [/quote]

It's not nasty. You are going to tell people how to parent their children when your whole upbringing was a disaster?[/quote]

(wondering why I waste time arguing with people on anonymous boards, but here goes):

NP here, I promise you I am very successful.  My upbringing wasn't a disaster, it had it's challenges, as all divorces do, we made the best we could and I was caught up in a lot of my own teenage drama I blocked out a lot of my mom's rage at my dad.  I didn't grow up in a war zone but sure it wasn't all roses.  People with intact families have their own scars.

Point being, when I got old enough to make my own choices, I decided being around my bitter mom was only tolerable in doses.  I am her child, not her therapist.  I love my dad too, he is imperfect but he also tries in his own way.  Part of growing up is seeing your parents as the flawed people we all are.

I hope you find peace.[/quote]

[b]Have you tried to talk to your mom about the anger she can't let go of. How it makes you feel?[/b] It is a shame she wasn't able to move on, or forge a better life. Most cheaters aren't worth that amount of oxygen.

[/quote]

On rare occasion, I would speak up and tell her "he's still my dad."  But otherwise, no.  Do other children serve as their parent's therapist?  I don't ask that rhetorically.  It seemed so bizarre to be the one asking about their marital problems.

Also, this idea of cheating = abuse is insulting.  I am sure there are abusive men who also cheat but that wasn't my father.[/quote]

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